Saturday, April 26, 2014

What Does it Feel like to Drown?

"What would it feel like to drown?" This is a question that just about every person who spends a good deal of time on the water wonders.  I've heard that it's actually a pretty peaceful way to go when it's all said and done; after all we came from water in the womb, so it seems perfectly natural that to water we would return...I guess there's some poetry in that.  I once saved the life of a drowning woman off the coast of El Salvador.  She was unresponsive by the time I got to her, but had suffered an asthma attack in the huge surf and then, after putting up a (panicky) fight, she said she just "let go" (went unconscious) and everything was "calm and peaceful".  That was until I got her to the beach where CPR was frantically performed and she "came to" again.  But anyway, that's besides the point...

Luckily, few of us will ever know intimately the experience of drowning, but one French filmmaker set out to show people what it might look and feel like to drown.  It's an interactive web movie and pretty intense.  I lasted about 4 minutes before I succumbed to the watery depths - but then again, I had two babies crying for me so I was distracted.  How long will you last?  See for yourself.

A couple takeaways from the video that are worth noting:

  • How quickly things go from hunky dory to hellish (such is life on a boat)
  • How fast the boat disappears on the horizon despite it being a pretty calm day
  • The importance of making sure every crew member knows how to control the vessel
  • The importance of having man overboard procedures in place
This video really drove those points home for me.  

What do you think?  Ever had a close call on the water?

Friday, April 25, 2014

Letters from the Twin Trenches: A Bad Week

Back story to our "Letters from the Twin Trenches" series...When we were in the BVI's we met up with some blog followers.  They were young, fun and we enjoyed hanging out with them (and the left over provisions they gave us from their charter when they flew home the next day).  Fast forward to months later when I announced our twin pregnancy on the blog...  Imagine my surprise when I got an email from Kimberly telling me that she, too, was pregnant with twins and only a week ahead of me.  "Must have been something in those painkillers!" she wrote... And so began a pretty incredible and prolific E-pal friendship chronicling our respective pregnancies and birth stories that continues to this day.  Her beautiful fraternal twin girls were born (full term) two weeks before ours and I have to tell you, sharing our (eerily similar) journeys via email has been very cathartic for me.  Solidarity.  If there is one thing you need as a parent of twins it's community.  We need to know we are not alone when it seems our sanity is teetering on the brink, which it will do from time to time when there are two newborns in the house.  Particularly if those newborns are screaming in unison.  These are some letters to her...they tell it like it is.  The good, the bad, the ugly...Spoiler Alert: This particular thread has a little of all three...

April 22, 2014

Got your birth announcement and it is ADORABLE.  My mom was like, "Oh!! She has pretty babies!!" I couldn't help but notice that our whole "parallel lives" thing seems to continue even with our babies' looks...your "A" resembles Haven (hair and more "alert" and slightly skeptical look) and "M" looks so much like our Mira (no hair, similar head shape, a distinctly more "mellow" facial expression). Weird.  They are gorgeous.  I love that you snapped pics of both of them with their eyes open. Beautiful.

Those "Mothers of Mutliples" online groups are my saving grace during late night shenanigans.  Right when I think I am going to lose my mind I read a post from someone who is going through exactly what I am and then I feel better.  Misery loves company.  So cliche, but oh-so true.  I love prowling those groups late night as I sit propped up, waiting to make sure I have the "all clear" to settle into sleep after a nursing session.  Those are some lonely boring hours and reading through those posts and other's experiences is so helpful.  I have no idea what I would do if not for the friendly glow of my iPhone (useful flashlight as well!).  And speaking of iPhones... you watch shows on yours?!?!  How do you do that!?!? I need to know.  That might change my life.

SO... we have turned a corner over here.  A big one. The girls have been napping during the day in their Rock 'n Play sleepers and I can actually put Haven down without her pitching and epic fit.  And...get this...last night I slept laying down for about 4 hours!! Four hours.  That's practically an eternity.  It's incredible.  And that's not all ("Tell her what else she's won Bob!"): They are taking their pacis now.  That's right.  After weeks and weeks of constant coaxing, they have finally accepted them and can keep them in their little mouths for longer than 2 seconds.  The secret?  Gas drops and/or gripe water.  They have the perfect hint of sweetness (yes, I have tasted both) and if we put a drop or two on the pacifier nipple they take them with ease.  It still took a lot of work and effort and there were times I thought I would never be free from my default role as a human binky, but we are on the home stretch of paci freedom (I remember the day the pacifier 'clicked' with Isla - sweet relief!!).  

Of course all of this awesomeness is going to go to the birds now that I have typed all this in an email - but whatever, I am thrilled.  Like right now?  All three girls are sleeping soundly and the house is silent save for the typing away at the computer.  I'm amazed.  Never thought I would get here.  I am hoping you are seeing similar changes in your camp...

Regarding your comment about the accidental mispronunciation of Key vs. Cay in regards to islands...hilarious.  I honestly do not remember your friend ever saying that (promise) but you are so funny to have been embarrassed.  Like I give a crap about stuff like that.  I am far from the type of cruiser (or person in general) who would ever make fun and/or judge people for saying a word wrong.  The guy who gets on the radio in the Bahamas, however, and berates the French speaking pair to "Get off the radio and speak English, god dammit" - now THAT guy is a prick and should be made to look an ass.

Okay.  Haven is crying.  Time to stick the paci in and take a shower (fingers crossed)!

Much love and supine sleeping to you,

Brittany

April 22, 2014 (four hours later)

That email I sent earlier? Never mind.

I'm driving a van into the ocean....

Ps. I f'ing hate this nursing pillow and I cannot wait to burn it.  Will they ever sleep in a crib or will I be going to college with them in this damn thing? It's like a tutu of torture. 

The empty crib mocks me.

Brittany

Sent from my iPhone

April 24 (sometime in the middle of the night)

That inchy, squirmy "caterpillar" move you mentioned in your last email? I HATE that!!!!!! It is all downhill from there. Ugh. And the weird screechy grunting? Once I hear that it's over.  It's usually combined with the caterpillar and it's horribly frustrating to me. What's worse is that it always seems to happen *just* as I am dozing off or right when I have the other baby settled.  Cannot catch a break.  It sucks.  Never ending juggling act. 

You know what else sucks? The fact that I am now immune to caffeine. Drank 4 cups this morning and I felt nuthin. Not even a little jolt. That's just wrong.

Glad you like my phrase "tutu of torture".  We should have a burning ceremony together. And if I thought formula would make this fussiness, sleeplessness, general insanity better I'd buy a one way ticket to Similac Town too. Alas, it wouldn't (in fact it'd probably be worse) and then we'd have a crap load of bottles to prepare and clean. Sounds an epic pain in the ass to me.

Okay. Back to "sleep". 

More hugs.

Brittany

Sent from my iPhone

April 25 (witching hour(s))

PAGING MARY POPPINS!


***For more of my thoughts and musings on all things twins, please visit our TWINSANITY page.***

Monday, April 14, 2014

Letters from the Twin Trenches: From one M.o.M to Another (One Month in)

Back story to our "Letters from the Twin Trenches" series...When we were in the BVI's we met up with some blog followers.  They were young, fun and we enjoyed hanging out with them (and the left over provisions they gave us from their charter when they flew home the next day).  Fast forward to months later when I announced our twin pregnancy on the blog...  Imagine my surprise when I got an email from Kimberly telling me that she, too, was pregnant with twins and only a week ahead of me.  "Must have been something in those painkillers!" she wrote... And so began a pretty incredible and prolific E-pal friendship chronicling our respective pregnancies and birth stories that continues to this day.  Her beautiful fraternal twin girls were born (full term) two weeks before ours and I have to tell you, sharing our (eerily similar) journeys via email has been very cathartic for me.  Solidarity.  If there is one thing you need as a parent of twins it's community.  We need to know we are not alone when it seems our sanity is teetering on the brink, which it will do from time to time when there are two newborns in the house.  Particularly if those newborns are screaming in unison.  These are some letters to her...they tell it like it is.  The good, the bad, the ugly...
Friend! 
I have been meaning to write you for DAYS and DAYS....I was having withdrawal symptoms but writing my response to the Rebel Heart drama took up all my bandwidth...thank you for the support!  And don't you worry about exposing your girls to the world, you and Michael are intelligent, worldly and fantastic people who will no doubt find a way to show them a life less ordinary...baby steps my friend.  Rome was not built in a day.
So I joined some twin Facebook groups and I read this quote yesterday that I am now convinced sums up life with multiples: "it gets easier...then harder....then easier...then harder.  Like a constant ebb and flow" (I added the ebb and flow part for a bit of poetic license).  I mean, is that true or is that true?!  I, too, now rate my nights and days by the whole "drive a van into the ocean" metaphor (as inappropriate as it may be, it works) and, while we seem to be having those moments less and less as we "find our groove" (laughable phrase, I know), those run-out-of-the-house-pulling-our-hair-out moments are there...my God are they there.  In fact, every night between 6-9 pm it's a pretty good bet that it will be a total shit show up in here.  Yes, I am talking about the dreaded "witching hour" (though with two - it's hours, plural).  The girls get all possessed split-pea-soup-style and the only thing that will calm them is the boob or wearing them and walking around the block, and even those things don't always do the trick.  It's a constant juggling act.  I pity any fool who sees me during those hours because I'm a raving lunatic (thank God for wine) and probably look slightly possessed myself.  Nights, thank heavens are going well (well, as good as can be expected while sleeping propped up in the center of the bed, surrounded by my nursing pillow and flanked by a baby on my left and right.  Scott now sleeps on the floor - his choice - because space in our double bed has been severely compromised by this arrangement).  We are usually melt-down free between the hours of 9pm and 6am - though it's still a crap shoot from time to time.  It's amazing what a bad fart can do to the disposition of a newborn.  Yowsas.  But we're managing and doing - dare I say - pretty well.  If it weren't for baby wearing and the Moby wrap though, I would be singing a different tune.  I am a total default attachment parent in that these babies are attached to me all. the. time.  As much as I love it though, I do fear that I will be a full inch shorter by their first birthday.  Toting around eighteen pounds of baby is nothing to shake a stick at.
Mira is fine, she will sleep happily in the rock-n-play without me, but Haven has now been nicknamed "Haven the handful" (a stark contrast to "Mellow Mira").  I know, I know...we're not supposed to "label" our twins because then they will 'live up to the labels'...blah blah blah.  But Haven is definitely the needier of the two.  As we near the six week mark I hope we see her fussiness subside, but this child has gusto and has the whole "squeaky wheel" thing down pat.  I swore I wouldn't compare my twins but it's almost impossible not to from time to time, especially when one is so content and so mellow and the other....isn't.  Show me a twin mom who hasn't done this at some point and I will show you a liar.  I'm just really, really grateful that both are not so needy/fussy, otherwise I fear I'd be residing in a padded cell.
Speaking of Haven, she's totally the "come from behind" girl.  In the womb she was baby "B" for the entire pregnancy, then wriggled her way to the "A" position in the final inning (much to the shock of my doctors, apparently switching position that late in the game is rare).  She was the smaller of the two and now outweighs Mira by a whole pound, and has already mastered rolling over and  - good grief - her neck control?   Off the charts.  The child is a beast.  She's going places I tell you.  Amazing how different they are, even down to bowel movements.   Yes, bowel movements.  Haven poops with just about every feeding and Mira?  Mira poops once a week, I shit you not (whoops, no pun intended!!). We were super nervous about this fact but the pediatrician assured us it was totally normal and said we are a perfect study in "fraternal twins and the wide ranges of normal".  I was skeptical but had to take her word for it.  So we waited, tentatively opening each diaper with the hopes of finding poop (I know, the things that excite us now, right?).  Mira finally had a blow-out this morning which, of course, resulted in the exuberant announcement "She pooped!" and was reason to celebrate over here.  We were such proud parents of that poop.  But, yeah...we are a real study in the beauty and bafflement that is fraternal twins.  Really insane.
What else?  Oh...I'm getting out every day by myself with all THREE kids, can you believe it?  I had a total "I'm a BOSS mom" moment the other day walking to the grocery story with the twins in the Moby Wrap and Isla in the BOB stroller.  People were gawking and staring and smiling and I was all "Oh yeah, I'm a super mom!! Ogle away!!" totally basked in the glory and held my head high.  Of course two hours later it all fell apart with screaming babies, blow-outs and puke in my hair, but whatever...I will take my 15 minutes of awesomeness when I can.  But you are so right - getting outside in the sun makes the world of difference.  It's amazing.  Thank GOD winter is over, although the news just threatened snow tonight.  I flicked off the weather woman, and in some weird way I felt better. 
Okay, gotta run. Stay strong mama - you are doing awesome and your emails are always always a pleasure and crack me up.  Sorry I have been such a stranger. 
OH - one more thing...I put on a cute outfit today.  Boot cut jeans, ankle boots, a nursing camisole, and a fitted jacket with a cute scarf....and that's not all! I currently have no puke on me and I might just go to the grocery store in a bit just to show off.  Have you noticed how going out with them sometimes makes you feel better in that "I'm a 'B' list celebrity" kind of way? HA!
xox
Brittany

PS.  Attaching some of the professional pics my SIL took of the girls, as well as my "1 month" pics.  Also one of Isla walking her "twins".  She kills me with her sweetness. 
Big thanks to Bright Eye Photography for these professional pictures of our girls! 

Haven Jane
Mira Ann
Our slumbering girls.  The fact that they remained sleeping during photo shoot might qualify as a miracle.



Love the blocks?  Me too.  Get them at bbblocks.com.  Best shower gift ever.
To read more "Letters from the Trenches" or other articles about our experiences with twins, please visit our TWINSANITY page.

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Baby On Board: Cruising with Kids and Dangerous Parenting

By now you have heard of the unfortunate events surrounding the rescue of Rebel Heart and her crew.  It has, quite literally, exploded into a media firestorm with just about every news source, local and international, covering it.  I have absolutely zero interest in recounting the story of my online friend and fellow boat-mama, Charlotte, nor do I feel like speculating on what went right or wrong but one thing I have noticed following this story is the fact that it has morphed from a "rescue at sea" saga into a pretty ferocious debate on parenting.

I have already vehemently defended our lifestyle on this blog before, and I have also learned that arguing with ignorant, closed minds is pointless.  But what I would like to say to the many people out there who are not closed-minded but simply uninformed, is to look before you leap onto this bandwagon of judgement and hatred because there is another side to this story...

Thousands of children live very happy, healthy lives on boats with their parents. For many years before the Kaufmans, and for many years to come, families with children (yes, even babies) have embarked on journeys across the worlds oceans without incident.  We don't hear these stories of course, because they are not what make headlines...No, instead we hear of those that fail, because those are the stories the masses want to hear.  Torre DeRoche, one of my favorite bloggers and author of the fantastic memoir, Love with a Chance of Drowning, said it best in her response to media frenzy:
All the people who never had the courage to live their dreams and do something meaningful and inspired with their lives are having a field day right now. Charlotte dared to do something amazing with her family, which evokes furious jealousy in those who are committed to living out fear-ridden and inane existences. But oh how delicious it feels to those types when the dreamers fall down. "See?" they say. "The easy and mediocre choices we made were the right ones". - Torre DeRoche
As someone who spent a significant amount of time living on a boat raising a baby, I feel compelled to show that boating with a child (or children) is not, despite what the masses may believe, inherently dangerous, selfish or irresponsible.  In fact, many of us who sail with our babies are incredibly capable, self-sufficient and mindful parents.  Before we embarked with Isla, Scott and I (having cruised as a couple for almost 2 years prior) had a very good idea of what to expect from a life at sea with a little one and we took what we saw as the necessary precautions:  we bought a boat that was easy to single-hand, we made the choice to stay "coastal" and "island hop", and invested in various safety measures (from life line netting to infant antibiotics) to ensure our baby would be safe.  Both of my pregnancies were boat pregnancies and we even cruised right up until the final trimester of my twin pregnancy.  Month after ballooning month passed without incident or complication but had something gone wrong with me or our babies during that time, no doubt I would have been blasted for my selfishness and carelessness instead of celebrated for being the adventuring mama I was.  I took calculated risks by staying on our boat in the islands during that time and I had luck on my side.  It's the type of gamble all of us as make on a daily basis whether we take our kids sailing or strap them into carseats.

I don't think too many people can argue with my belief that the most important thing we as parents can give our children - particularly from the ages of zero to three - is that of our time.  There's plenty of scientific data to back this up. We, along with the Kaufmans and all the other cruising families out there, found a lifestyle that gives this to our children in spades.  Furthermore, our kids spend almost all of their waking hours out in nature, and again - there are loads of scientific articles stating what a profoundly positive effect that has on a child's development. Living on a boat with a baby is certainly not for everyone, but can be an incredibly rewarding way to raise a child and there is no one who will persuade me otherwise. I have seen first hand the results. It's incredible and beautiful and amazing. Of course, it is not without challenges and risks, but raising children - be it on land or sea - is inherently demanding and risky.  I feel very lucky to have been able to live this way, and I know every other cruiser feels equally privileged.  We adventures stand united on this front, and as my friend Behan said so eloquently"Irresponsible? Crazy? If that’s the bucket we get tossed in, well, I’m proud to be a member of the tribe that’s chosen to raise children differently."  Amen.

We all take risks every single day, whether we know it or not.  Bad things happen that are out of our control on land and at sea.  No one is immune.  We cruisers choose not to live in constant fear over what "could" happen and instead embrace life as an adventure to behold.  Fellow cruiser, freelance writer and boat mama, Diane Selkirk, wrote an excellent piece entitled Raising a Child Dangerously in an effort to restore a little balance to the reporting of the Rebel Heart saga.  Her words are powerful: "I’m not going to lie: Our lifestyle comes with risk. There are storms at sea, illnesses in remote locations, white-knuckle moments, and near misses... But to me, the potential payoff has always outweighed the risk."  The bottom line is this: we all do our best as parents with what we are given.  None of us are intentionally putting our children in harms way, though some of us might be more comfortable living outside the box than others.  But I ask you, who do you think is more at "risk": the solitary child sitting in front of the television eating fast food and playing video games all day or the child who is spending almost every waking hour with one or both parents, outside in nature, with the opportunity to live differently and see the world?

I know my answer.

Sail on, Rebel Heart, sail on.

To read more about our experience boating with a baby, please visit our page Baby on Board

If you are a Rebel Heart sympathizer and would like to help, please consider donating to the fundraising page that has been set up by friends.  Thank you.

Enjoy this short video compiled of images of hundreds of boat kids from all over the world put together by a fellow boat mom in support of Rebel Heart.  This is our tribe:

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Letters From the Twin Trenches: From One M.o.M. to Another

When we were in the BVI's we met up with some blog followers.  They were young, fun and we enjoyed hanging out with them (and the left over provisions they gave us from their charter when they flew home the next day).  Fast forward to months later when I announced our twin pregnancy on the blog...  Imagine my surprise when I got an email from Kimberly telling me that she, too, was pregnant with twins and only a week ahead of me.  "Must have been something in those painkillers!" she wrote, referencing the alcoholic beverage made famous on Jost van Dyke... And so began a pretty incredible and prolific pen-pal friendship chronicling our respective pregnancies and birth stories that continues to this day.  Her beautiful fraternal twin girls were born (full term) a week before ours and I have to tell you, sharing our (eerily similar) journeys via email has been very cathartic for me.  Solidarity.  If there is one thing you need as a parent of twins it's community.  We need to know we are not alone when it seems our sanity is teetering on the brink, which it will do from time to time when there are two newborns in the house.  Particularly if those newborns are screaming in unison.  

I wanted to write a pithy blog post yesterday and update you all on what's been going on but struggled with what to write and how to start it.  So instead, I stepped away from the blog and replied to Kimberly's most recent email.  Once I hit send I thought, "Heck! Why not post my reply to her on the blog?" It tells it like it is (good, bad and ugly) and, let's face it, I'm all about efficiency these days.  If I can kill two (or more) birds with one stone, well, I will...so, with Kimberly's blessing, here it is...  I've edited and added few bits here and there, but this is the gist of it:

First of all, you look great.  Amazing actually.  I know you are wearing the Moby wrap in that picture (high five!!) but, honestly, you look thin and cute and not at all like a zombie.  As for me - do not be misled, I do not look good in a bikini YET - but there is hope (like you, I have no stretch marks or "twin skin"- hooray!), and I can cling to hope.  When I put on normal clothes, however, I feel chunky, frumpy and blah.  Not good for moral when you have a decent sized vanity streak like I do.  I just need to be patient I guess, a trait that I was not naturally blessed with but one that motherhood has planted in me - and one that twin motherhood has fertilized Monsanto-style.  I am impressed you went sailing. I barely get outside, but that is mostly due to the fact that this winter will Not. Let. Go.  I feel your concern about the whole 'falling in while baby-wearing' thing, but I honestly felt safer with Isla on me rather than in a life jacket in the cockpit or something when she was a newborn, and she was much, much happier that way as well (fyi, tiny babies, in our experience, do NOT enjoy life jackets!). 
So good to hear from you.  When your email came in I was literally *just* about to write you.  Breath of fresh air!!  Relieved to hear we are going through similar things.  Last night I was at wits end.  Dropping curse words all over the place, suuuuper frustrated and doing the whole "why me?" thing in my head...Mira (surprise!) was the one last night; she cried non-stop for about four hours.  Simply could not be consoled.  She has awful gas and it was totally heartbreaking and trying my sanity.  As soon as we'd get her calm, Haven would pipe up.  It was non-stop mayhem between 6pm and 11pm.  Scott and I were totally wrecked.  I swear if I'd had a time machine between those hours I would have hopped in that sucker and not gotten pregnant when we did.  It's nights like last night that make me want to drop kick anyone who complains about the stress of one newborn child.  I mean, are you joking?  I cannot stop thinking of how much easier this would be if it were a singleton...and again, I know that is super unproductive, inappropriate and totally unfair but...well, yeah.  I absolutely love our girls but this whole two newborns at once is a total roller coaster.  One day I am on top of it and feel great, the next I am looking for the "return to sender" label.  Fun times.  
During the madness, I made the colossal mistake of googling "when will twins get easier?" (similar to Googling "twin skin" while pregnant.  Do. Not. Do. It.) Imagine my horror upon finding forum after forum full of people who lament, "My twins are nine and worse than ever!! Help me!!" or "It NEVER gets easier, only harder with each passing stage!" and the like...Not to mention the fact that a family friend, who has twin granddaughters comes over and tells me, "Oh, when they are three life gets so much better!" I realize she's trying to be helpful and positive but I'm thinking to myself, "You do realize you told me I have to wait THREE YEARS for life to get better, right?!" Haha...I laugh though.  Thank god for a sense of humor.   
Luckily I stopped reading and I have a feeling once we pass this itty bitty newborn stage (aka "the fourth trimester") and our girls get a bit more independent (i.e. can sleep without physically touching me) and their digestive systems mature a little more (i.e. less painful gas) things will get much, much easier.  Hell, I don't even care about sleeping through the night at this point (three hour chunks is actually totally do-able for me) - but a couple consecutive hours not sleeping sitting up would be heaven right now (so funny you sleep the same way - thought I was nutso and the only one!)?  Oh, perspective.  It's the little things over here.
Today has been so much better and I feel human and sane again.  You know how it goes.  And actually Haven and Mira are sleeping soundly not on me right now and have been for 30+ minutes which is quite the milestone.  We started giving them probiotics to help with the crying/colic so I am hoping this is part of the issue (digestion/gas/reflux) and we're on track to happier, more comfortable babies.  But we shall see.  
Okay.  That is all for now.  The sun is actually out today and it is above 30 degrees so I am going to take the girls on a walk! Yay me!  I think a daily outing; be it to the park or down the aisles of a grocery store - is necessary for my sanity to feel human and productive.  Days I get out are a lot better than the ones where I feel a slave to the couch.  Oh - and days when Dancing with the Stars is on are always good.  Man, I love that show.
Hugs,
Brittany  
Our sleeping arrangement.  It's really kind of great, actually.
Our beauties.  Wide-eyed Haven on the left, mellow Mira on the right.  Love bugs.
The tandem breastfeeding position with my twin nursing pillow.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...