Monday, February 24, 2014

10 Things Not to Say to a Woman Pregnant with Twins

I have been really lucky throughout this twin pregnancy, and I am incredibly grateful for this fact.  I have suffered no complications and I have only had only one super creepy encounter where a woman (possibly on drugs) wanted to accost my belly and rub it in a semi-sexual and really awkward way (for the record, I don't mind belly touching - but this woman was....creepy).  One thing I have not escaped, however, are the strange/weird/bizarre comments that strangers often make when they find out I am pregnant with twins.  I was warned this would happen by just about every twin mom I have spoken with, so I was prepared for it - but even still, I am sometimes shocked by the things people will say to a total stranger.  For fun and for my own personal records, I'd like to chronicle my favorites here...

With no further ado, here are ten things we twin moms-to-be would rather not hear you say if you run into us...Laugh with me, will you?  This is all in good fun.

1) Are they natural?  
I mentioned before that this is a pretty inappropriate question to ask a mom to be and I still am shocked when strangers have the balls to ask it.  Fertility treatments are a very personal thing and while some women might be okay talking about this with a total stranger, many are not.  Scott and I are very lucky in that our twins were "spontaneous" and conceived without assistance (I mean, we were living on a boat in the Caribbean) - but that doesn't make our girls any more natural than any other twin babies out there.

2) Were you trying for twins?
Um...is that even possible?  I don't even know how to respond to this one but the answer is "no."  The more awkward cousin of this particular question is, "I've always wanted twins -what did you do to conceive them?" Hmmm.....

3) I don't know if you are blessed or cursed!  
This one came from a sweet old man and I felt bad that I kind of hated him for saying it to me.  I know he was trying to be funny - but making jokes at a pregnant woman's expense is risky business because our sense of humors tend to be pretty whacked out by hormones (remember, we have double the fun going on) and we're not always game for a chuckle.  Particularly if we are pregnant with twins and you liken those twins to a curse.

4)  Rather you than me!
I get this one a lot.  I know some people just don't know what to say sometimes and are trying to be funny but, again, pregnant women aren't exactly famous for their keen sense of humors.  Lots of twin moms suggest responding with something like "Yeah, apparently!" but I always just smile and walk away.

5) Three girls?!  Poor, poor you!  
If you are blessed with three of either sex, I feel your pain.  People like symmetry and balance and for some reason it's believed that the perfect family must have children of both sexes.  But, funnily enough, according to this article if you are going to have three children, families with three girls are more harmonious and happy than other combinations.  We rank #4 out of 12.  The happiest combo?  Two girls.  The worst?  Four girls.  Somehow we ended up just right.  Phew.

6) You plan to breastfeed?  Good luck with that! (sarcastic)  
This one bothers me the most because breastfeeding was something I really, really enjoyed with Isla and it is something that is very important to me.  Thankfully, I have talked to plenty of twin moms who have successfully breastfed twins, I have read books dedicated solely to techniques for breastfeeding twins and I have invested in supplies to make this transition as smooth as possible.  It CAN BE DONE so, please, check your sarcasm and negativity at the door.  My plan is to breastfeed both our girls and if it doesn't work out and I have to alter my plan, so be it - but try my darndest I will!

7) When will they section you?  
First of all, this just sounds gross.  Second, this might be news to you but not all twins are delivered by c-section.  While many multiple births do result in a c-section whether by choice or necessity, almost half are delivered the good old fashioned way.  It is our preference to deliver vaginally and my doctors have assured us that it is their preference as well and entirely possible as long as Baby A is presented vertex (which she is).  Of course, we are open to whatever delivery method ensures healthy babies - but to assume a woman is going to have a c-section just because she is having twins is incorrect.

8) How much weight have you gained?  
Not okay.  Just don't. (For the record, I weigh more than Scott now though...groan.)

9) You sure seem to lay around a lot.  
This came from a man who was doing some work on my parents house for a couple of days.  If looks could kill, I'm pretty sure he would be dead.  Yes, I am laying around a lot (particularly when my toddler is napping).  I am days away from giving birth to TWO babies, thankyouverymuch.  I have approximately twelve pounds of placenta, fluid and human baby pressing my inner organs all over the place and causing significant discomfort in the general region from my ankles to my neck.  Many twin moms are put on strict bed rest at this point.  As someone who has enjoyed a 'singleton' pregnancy as well as a twin pregnancy, I can tell you the two are very, very different - and the latter is much more uncomfortable - especially at the end.  So please, give us a little break and let us take a load off without judgement.

10) So, when are you going to try for a boy?  
I have been asked this no fewer than one hundred times.  Yes, we will obviously be an estrogen-rich family and, newsflash!, they are not even here yet!  Give us a minute, would you?  While not all twin moms are getting two or three of the same sex, many complain that they are also asked about future children as well ("so you're done now, right?") and it can be pretty annoying.  For the record:  We are thrilled with three girls.  I could go on and on about why I think three girls is the perfect combination for us but I will spare you.  At this time we have absolutely NO plans to have any more children, particularly now that we know I am prone to "double drop" eggs and the likelihood of more twins is high.  I mean, can you imagine!?!

So there they are, my personal top ten.  Fellow twin moms, what are your favorites?  Feel free to share in the comments!

29 comments:

Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life) said...

Great post!
At 29 weeks pregnant, I'm amazed at what comes out of people's mouths. Isn't a simple congratulations enough?

Also, we are having a second girl and I wrote (ok, spewed out) my feelings on the topic last week.
http://www.ahealthysliceoflife.com/2014/02/20/opening-up-being-pregnant-with-a-second-girl/

It's amazing people can't fathom that we're happy and excited about two girls!

Windtraveler said...

Awww, Brittany - loved that post!! Totally relate to all those feelings :) I think sisterhood is a pretty awesome gift we can give our girls and, hey, did you see that article I linked to? Families with two girls are the happiest combo ;) Girl power! xo

Anonymous said...

I have boy/girl twins that were born 23 years ago (yesterday Feb. 23rd). My favorites were:

1.) Picture two little babies in a stroller or carrier seats. Are they twins? My husband used to say - nope one was 3 months older than the other and keep on walking.

2.) One is dressed in pink and one is dressed in blue. How can you tell them apart? Well, the last time I changed their diapers - I'm pretty sure we've got this one figured out.


3.) Are they identical? (refer to #2 response).

I had a singleton and 6 years later had the twins. You just learn to do "two" of everything. In your case - "three" of everything.

Just ENJOY every minute - they really do grow up quickly.

Jeanine said...

That last one is so insane - happens to us moms of singletons too - after I had my third pregnancy (fourth kiddo) and it happened to be a girl (after three boys) people were all like, "You got your girl!" To be totally honest, boys make sense to me and my baby girl scares me a lot! I like to say, "No we got our Rylee, and would have been happy (AND DONE) either way!" Oh people of the world - can't we all just say - congrats!

Neophyte Cruiser said...

Great post, as usual. This one left us with tears streaming down our cheeks and rolling with laughter. Art Linkletter used to say 'kids say the darnedest stuff' but you proved adults have nothing on the kids. Congratulations to you and your family!

Anonymous said...

With my twin 8 yr olds and 5 year old girls I get asked so "when you having a boy?" The other is "man you are so screwed"

Carolyn - The Boat Galley said...

Imagine the comments our son and daughter-in-law get/have gotten with SEVEN girls, no boys!

Devon said...

Girls are the best! I have two (no twins), and people keep asking us if we're going to try for a boy. The answer is no: And the only way we'd try for another girl is if we could guarantee it wouldn't be a boy! My sister has 3 girls, and getting ALL five girls together is crazy, wild fun. I can't wait to hear about all the fun you have with the three!

Stephanie said...

Britt, you are gonna be one rockin' twin mama!!!! Kick your feet up and never feel guilty about it.

Anne P. said...

As the 4th of 9 children, all single pregnancies, my Mom heard some pretty insensitive things when carrying the last few of us. You have borne this well, and I wish you smooth deliveries, and beautiful healthy sisters for Isla! Love reading your posts!

SailFarLiveFree said...

"Three girls?! Poor, poor you!" Yes, three girls! And damn proud of each and every one of them!

Awesome website re-design, by the way!

Anonymous said...

Great blog as usual Brittany! My favorite point you made was number nine! My twins were my second pregnancy also and I also felt a lot different than my singleton. You are very articulate and do a great service to the ignorant Public! God Bless you all!

Lauren Christopher said...

From one mama-of-twins-one-singleton-all-girls to another, CONGRATS! :) Three girls really is the best.

Lisa Hanneman said...

Bingo. Nailed it... Especially the "trying for a..." line. Ugh.

And I haven't even been pregnant with twins... though I may have looked it with #1.

Harmony said...

Love the re-design of your site! Would love to hear thoughts on how you came up with it (or did I miss this in a previous post?). Also, people are ridiculous and I can't believe the lack of tact. So excited for you and your family!

Unknown said...

Congrats! A friend of mine sent your blog link to me because she thought I could replaye to you. I have 5 girls, yes FIVE... Singleton, singleton, twins and then another singleton... And we love it! The are all under the age of 7. Good luck and enjoy your babies...

Rachel Charbonneau said...

I have three boys. Lane is 8 and his identical twin brothers are 15 months younger. I got all the same questions and comments but about all boys. Lol my twins were almost 7 lbs a piece and I carried all out front, so I got the comment are you sure you dont have 3 in there!?!

Anonymous said...

This is completely accurate.. I had the, "Are they natural?" asked a lot. After they were born I had those same people asking an entirely new set of ridiculous questions, like "Are they identical?" to which I respond, "It would be interesting if so, seeing as how one is a boy and one is a girl." or the best, "Are they twins?" No. I saw another and picked him up. GAH!

Ben & Terri said...

"You sure seem to lay around a lot." really? And I happen to love your since of humor. Get all the rest you can. (just don't forget to post)

Anonymous said...

Ha ha! Im right there w/you only we are expecting boys and the twins will my 3 boys in our house equals tons of crazy comments. The uncontrolled laughter followed by "your life is good going to suck the first year" is always fun too. Good luck mama and enjoy every second of your double blessing!

Anonymous said...

No twins here but I have 3 boys (oldest is 5) and I am expecting baby #4. My most hated comment of all time is "wow you have your hands full". I can't remember the last time I left the house with my boys and didn't have a stranger point that out to me.

Anonymous said...

Sorry. Dang auto correct. Make 3 boys not "my 3 boys" and "your life is going".

Rachel Riebe said...

How true these are. My best comment to date (after a woman saw my twins and toddler all in the same stroller), "Wow, you have my sympathies."

If it's any encouragement, here's my twin labor and delivery story: http://fellowpassengers.com/2013/07/25/39-weeks-1-day-delivery-a-love-story/

Best wishes for a strong, healthy, happy delivery!

LiLo's Garden said...

A friend of mine sent your blog my way. Although I am not pregnant with twins, I get so nerved when people just say ridiculous things to women when they are pregnant.
I appreciated your honesty and humor. You sound like a great woman and ALL those little gals are blessed to have you as their Mama!

Andi of My Beautiful Adventures said...

I'm not sure how I missed you were even pregnant, let alone with twin girls!! Congrats!

Kimberly G. said...

Hang in there, Mama, not much longer. Being 6 days on the other side I can laugh more looking back (not just b/c I have lung space again-sorry, don't mean to brag). No. 9 was particularly priceless but 5 and 10 offend me even more now that we've met our daughters. Thanks for the late night laugh (see no. 6 ;)). Rooting for you guys from KC!

Marie said...

Double drop eggs! LOL, more twins could happen...

My father in law had eight siblings; he was one of three sets of twins in his family. His poor mom. Can you imagine after the second set, wondering if it could happen again? This was way back when they only hoped to hear a second heartbeat. : )

Ed said...

Twi ns are easy we did it !
Ed n Gina.
Parents of Anna and Natalie

Tony said...

Great post! I got a good laugh out of some of them. I am the father of 4 girls, the last 2 of which are twins. Wouldn't trade any of them for a boy! When I take all four of them out somewhere without my wife, I get so many looks and compliments, I feel like a rock star.

People will ask them if they are twins and after they answer yes, on occasion some people will then ask which one is older. The twins just stare at each other quizzically. Huh?

Congrats!

I check out your site from time to time because I would like to do the same thing with my family.

Great site!

Best regards,
Tony

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