I have learned quite a bit these past ten days. Namely, that the first couple weeks of having twins involve a lot of highs and lows and they swing wildly from one second to the next, exorcist-style. One moment I'm all "I've totally got this, piece of cake, I. Am. Supermom!!!" and the next I'm all "How the f**k am I going to do this?!" I know this is normal, but as much as I prepared for the birth and arrival of our twins (and, believe me, I prepared) I was not ready for the emotional roller coaster that supersizing your family automatically puts you on. It's quite ride. Whew.
Let me indulge you with a couple examples of what I am talking about...
Twin high moment of the week: successfully "wearing" Haven and Mira in the Moby wrap. I was on cloud nine. Not only could I use both my hands to play with Isla, cook, use the computer or go on a walk - but I was giving our girls the benefits of baby wearing. Oh yeah, life was pretty good when we figured this one out. Still pretty stoked about it, actually. This was a close second to when the pediatrician told us their weight gain was right on track (my indication that breastfeeding is going well). Side note: if you are a breastfeeding mom, you will become obsessed with poop, pee (better known as "diaper output") and weight gain - not necessarily in that order. (For baby wrapping instructions, check out this pdf - twin wearing towards the end.)
Twin low moment of the week: last night, Isla strangely awoke at 1:00am from a nightmare screaming for mama but I was nursing the girls and couldn't go to her. Of course Haven and Mira chose this precise moment to have little meltdowns themselves so Scott and I were quickly introduced to the horror that is children screaming in surround sound. The whole ordeal was so utterly heartbreaking to me that I cried like a baby and threw myself a little pity party while slumped in bed nursing our girls. It was all over within 25 minutes but still, it's a tough lesson for a parent to learn that they cannot be in two - let alone three - places at once. Not to mention how quickly things can go from copacetic to chaotic in a household with multiple children. It's impressive. Sigh.
And there are more examples of both. So many more.
A huge part of the ups and downs no doubt have to do with the fact that Scott and I are in total limbo at the moment. We went from living on our boat in the Caribbean with a pretty sweet and sustainable set up, to moving in with my parents during a particularly brutal winter and facing a relatively uncertain future. We feel a bit out of place, a little out of sorts, and between the individual demands of three children under three, we're trying to figure out a "plan" for the future which is kind of impossible at the moment. Pardon the cliche, but it's difficult to see the forest through the trees right now.
Of course all this is to be expected. All of this is normal. Anyone who's had one baby, let alone twins, is familiar with the wacky hormones that race through a woman's body post-pregnancy. And anyone who has made a significant and semi-abrupt life adjustment understands the "culture shock" that comes with it. This is life. We've all been here in one way or another.
Yep, it's hard work. Sure, there are moments when I wish we could just go back to the boat and pick up where we left off. This wasn't part of our 'plan' -- but if we've learned anything this past three years it's that plans are written in sand and, sometimes, you just gotta go where the wind blows. Our girls are awesome. We are totally, utterly in love with them. They are bringing our family so much joy. Sometimes, it's the unexpected detours in life that take you somewhere pretty dang awesome -- so we'll just keep on cruisin'.