Showing posts with label babywearing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label babywearing. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Interview with China Boating Magazine

About a month ago, I got a request for an interview for China Boating Magazine. I had no idea the spread was going to be so beautiful and thorough! I would simply share the PDF with you all, but it is completely in Chinese so I will share with you the images from the magazine as well as our interview...in English. I hope you enjoy!

1. What made you two decided to raise three girls on boat? Whether your two families support you or not?                              

The decision was a pretty organic one, Scott and I cruised first as a couple – sailing from Chicago to Trinidad together over the course of a couple years, and during that time we found that we were really impressed by “cruising kids”. A family was always in our future, and when we found out we were pregnant with our first daughter, Isla, we didn’t even bat an eye about bringing her on board. We sailed over 5K nautical miles with her from Florida to Grenada and back up to the BVI’s and it was a really amazing experience and one that Isla thrived in. During that time we discovered we were pregnant with twins and that threw us a major curve ball. We decided to move back to land after sailing right up to my third trimester, and lived with my parents for a year as we adjusted to life with three very small children. When the twins, Haven and Mira, were ten months – we decided to give it a go and bring them on the boat despite being told that it could not be done and we were insane. Our plans were very conservative, and we remained in the very easy sailing waters of the British Virgin Islands. 

For the most part, our families are very, very supportive of our choices. Some may not understand it – or would not do it themselves given the opportunity – but to each his own. We all support each other and the life choices we make for the most part, which is lucky and sometimes rare with this lifestyle where many have strong opposing views about raising kids on a boat.

2. What has been the most challenging part to live like this? How you face it? 

Hmm…living on a boat with three small children is definitely challenging. I would say biggest challenge lies in logistics. Getting three toddlers from A to B is hard on land. Imagine doing that via dinghy, via island taxi and mostly on foot. We don’t have the space for a great big three child stroller and our kids are still too young to walk safely by our sides, so we have to find other ways. We do a lot of baby-wearing and have a collapsible wagon we use to get around. But it’s time consuming and exhausting and toddlers are not always the most compliant of humans. In a year or two this challenge will change, but for now – just wrangling the troops is tough. The other challenge is making the most of a small space. While I love the “tiny house” mentality, we are a family of five in a space that is smaller than most people’s living rooms. We only have two bedrooms. Keeping the kids from waking each other up and finding any privacy are things that are challenging. We envision a bigger boat one day, one that has three cabins so everyone can have their very own bunk. We’ll see.

3. How to solve the Baby's safety problem? 

Boats, by their nature, are actually pretty “baby proofed”. Because they are made to withstand large waves and rocking to and fro, everything is attached to the hull, all the cupboards ‘lock’, there are no outlets or dangling chords to contend with, and there simply isn’t a bunch of superfluous stuff around so the interior of our boat is very safe. The obvious issue is that a boat is surrounded by water and none of our children swim yet. The perimeter of our boat is covered in life-line netting, making our deck one big play pen – and we are very vigilant about keeping the girls in harness and tethers and/or lifejackets when we are sailing. They are also never on deck unsupervised and we have a strict policy to always wear lifejackets in the dinghy and on any docks.

4. How does your life differ from the normal life? 

First and foremost, we live with less than most (suburban families) simply because we have less space. This means toys, clothes, gadgets and just about everything else. That’s not to say that we are doing without, we live very comfortably on our boat… but I have found that - for me - just as you will spend as much money as you make, you will fill your living space with as much as it will take. 

Second, we maintain our boat almost exclusively ourselves. If something fails, we must fix it. That means my husband is a plumber, electrician, handyman and woodworker all by default. There’s a much higher level of self-reliance on a boat. 

Also, we don’t have the amenities many homes have like dishwashers, washer/dryers, and microwaves so we make do without those things. I do our laundry by hand, for example. In addition, we must be super vigilant about power and water usage, as on a boat there is not an endless supply of these things and they are resources we need to use and replenish ourselves. 

Lastly,we are together a lot more than most families, spending nearly 24/7 together (this will change soon though as Scott is going back to work). We are also outside more than your average suburban family, simply because our boat is so (comparatively) small that getting off it to stretch out our legs is a must. 

As much as our life is different, many things are the same as well. We’re still parents of three small children and all the challenges that presents (discipline, tantrums, sleep deprivation, milestones, messes and stresses) - we are not immune. 

5. What your future plan? Will move back to land? 

We are currently in the states right now, awaiting our work permits to be working residents in the British Virgin Islands. We have very big plans for the next few years, but unfortunately, at the time of writing they are still not able to be made public. As for moving back to land, it’s hard to say - there’s so many amazing things to do and places to go in this world, it’s hard to say that we will live like this forever. I imagine that one day we will have some sort of home base on land, but I can also say with absolute certainty that we will also always have a sailboat of some sort. It is a huge priority for us to travel with our girls and show them as much as the world as we can, whether that be by boat, bus or plane. Who knows what the future holds?

6. How do you spend time on the boat when you don’t go for sailing? I saw a picture on the internet of Isla swinging with her dad on boat, is there any story about the swing, and any other recreational facilities? 

The swing is a BIG hit with the little ones and, yes, we rig that up quite frequently! We are actually sailing a very small percentage of our life on the boat. Typically, we sail to a place and stay for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. 

When we are at anchor, we spend our time doing shore excursions; hiking, exploring the town, and - of course - hanging out at the beach. Someone once told me that the best “toys” for small children are water and sand, and I could not agree more. We spend many, many hours playing on the beach and swimming near the shore. We also hang out on our boat and our girls are very used to being in a small space together. We have a wide array of crafting supplies and a ton of books, all of which our little girls love. We also have some selected and engaging toys that the girls enjoy (see more: Toys for the Space Conscious Parent). We go paddle-boarding, explore the anchorage in our dinghy and swim off the back of the boat. It can be challenging to keep three kids stimulated and happy when there’s a lot of down time, but nature is a pretty good entertainer.

7. In order to making the boat is suitable for a family, do you have to change some part of the boat?

We chose a boat with kids in mind, so the boat we bought had a lot of suitable qualities for kids. Namely, a large cockpit (great for playing in), a swim platform (for easy on, off the boat), and roller-furling sails (meaning our boat is very easy to sail by one person). When we were planning on moving back with the twins I knew that getting in and out of the dinghy with three small kids would be a challenge, so we designed a twin dinghy seat which keeps the girls safe and contained while we go from A to B. We made a few small adjustments ourselves; we put lifeline netting around the perimeter of our boat which makes our boat something of a giant playpen. We also designed a “twin bunk” up in the vee-berth which keeps the twins contained and safe when they sleep. Because we only have two ‘bedrooms’ we had to get creative with our eldest’s bunk. We decided to make her a special spot in the walk-through of our boat so she has her own place to sleep and store a few of her toys. (See more: Our Sleeping arrangements on the Boat)

8. Do you have long-distance sailing with three girls to now? To where? How about that sailing experience? Can girls swim? Does Isla have some simple sailing skills now?

With our eldest, we sailed a lot - from Florida to Grenada and back up to the British Virgin Islands (BVI’s), roughly 5K nautical miles. With one child, it was relatively easy to do that. When we discovered we were pregnant with twins, we knew enough to know that covering those kinds of miles with three under three would be super stressful and probably no fun (for us). We made the decision to stay and sail in the BVI’s where the water is rarely rough and where passages need not be any longer than 2-4 hours to get somewhere new. This was a great decision for us, we still get all the benefits of “cruising” without the stress of long passages and overnight sails.

None of our girls are swimming yet, but love the water. Isla is currently in swim lessons and we hope to have her swimming by the end of this season. The twins are true Pisceans, and LOVE the water. I imagine they will be swimming much sooner than Isla did since they are much more keen to try than she was at that age.

As far as sailing goes, Isla likes to work the winches and knows a lot of boat terminology, but she is not involved in sailing the boat in earnest yet. Since we will be living in the islands for the foreseeable future, we plan to enroll her in a junior sailing program, so that will probably change.

9. What's the most unforgettable thing after you moved to the boat? Living on a boat, what are you gained and lost?

That’s hard. I’d say the thing I love most about living on a boat is that every day is an adventure and you are every day presented with opportunities that test and challenge you. As exhausting (and frustrating) as it can be, it’s a very intentional way to live and I like that.

On a boat we gain a lot of self-reliance. We are in nature all the time. We are constantly challenged and have to work through those things. Our girls learn to self-entertain and, we hope, this close proximity to each other fosters stronger and deeper relationships. We are learning to live more with less, to enjoy the simple things in life. We don’t have crazy, rushed schedules and there’s not this constant pressure that there is always somewhere to be or something to do. The pace of life is slower, and I like that as well. Those are a few things off the top of my head.

What is lost? We miss our families. We miss out on holidays and miss major milestones like birthdays, weddings and new babies. That can be very hard. We also miss out on some of the nice things that a “suburban” life might offer, like great libraries, museums, restaurants and theaters. That element of “higher culture” is missing, which I really enjoyed having lived in Chicago. But everything in life is a trade off, and - to me - the benefits outweigh the negatives.

10. How you raise three girls? What is your main source of income? Does this income enough afford daily family cost? If not enough, What would you do?

Right now we are living off savings but are getting ready to work again. Scott is a US Certified captain and has worked on and off for the bulk of our time aboard. We also came back to shore to have our babies, we lived with my parents during those stints so had very low living costs and each time we did come home, Scott got work. Now that we are changing gears and will be working on a more permanent basis, this will change and we will hopefully be putting a lot more money in the ‘cruising kitty’. (More on this soon!)


11. Can you give some suggestions to those families which want to live like yours?

Read, read and read. Get inspired by other families doing the same thing. There are SO many resources out there now; in the past few years it seems cruising and living “differently” in general has gained tremendous popularity so there’s a lot of great info out there for anyone who’s interested. This life is definitely not for everyone, but if you think you are up for it - I say go for it. To throw a cliche quote out there, “You’ll regret the things you didn’t do, more than those you did do” (or something like that)… I personally think cruising and boat-dwelling is an amazing way to live and raise children. I’d suggest to start with baby steps (chartering a boat, taking sailing lessons, joining a cruising club..etc), as the learning curve is very steep. Then, just do it. You won’t regret it. High risk, high reward, I think this is true in gambling…and life.


Tuesday, September 01, 2015

Our Favorite (Affordable and Practical) Products for the Boat Baby

Babies on boats (specifically aged 3 and under) are kind of our "thing". We have yet to meet another family who has our configuration of small children aboard. I'm sure more exist, but if boats with kids on them are the minority, boats with babies (plural!) on them are even more so. That said, we have learned a thing or two about boating with infants, and since so many people write us asking about the products we use, I thought I'd compile a new list here. Of course I must say that these are products that have worked for us, we are not in the business of telling people what to do and I'm very much of the mindset "to each his own." Every parent, family, and child is different and we must tailor to our own needs and lifestyle choices.

We have many other such lists from back when Isla was a baby (check out this oldie), but times (and opinions, and gear...) have changed, so a new list was due. For more of our articles on all things "cruising with babies", please visit our Baby on Board page where all my boat-baby related articles are kept.

Here's my list of products we have found useful for our three boat babies, I hope you find something useful in it!

1) Harness and Tether - The goal is to keep the baby on the boat, at all costs. While a life jacket is great, the harness and tether when clipped onto the boat will not only be more comfortable for the kiddo (some kids, like our Mira, despise life jackets) but will ensure the baby stays on the boat. We use the West Marine infant harness and tether, but if we were to do it again, I'd by the Edelrid Fraggle full-body climbing harness as it looks to be a better product.
Believe it or not, this is Isla, not Haven! Sailing off the coast of Grenada 2013
Here you see a LOT of our faves; harnesses, fisher price hairs, and the netting.
2) Lifeline Netting - Many boating families call lifeline netting a "false sense of security" and while I understand the argument, I respectfully disagree and there is no way we'd go without it on our boat. Our lifeline netting not only keeps the kids from slipping through the very large voids between the lifelines, but it keeps gear they throw around on board too! It's saved hats, suits, toys and all sorts of stuff from going overboard. We installed our West Marine lifeline netting over two years ago and it's still going strong (see our article about Installing Lifeline Netting), with not a single spot of chafe. I also sewed a mesh "door" that we put up to cover the bow at anchor (the one spot the lifeline netting does not cover) so our boat becomes a giant playpen. We consider netting a "must" for our boat and something we highly recommend. I've heard that there is some great UV resistant sport netting out there that some families use, which outlasts the generic brands. That might be worth looking into as well.
When we first installed it, Isla (pictured) wasn't so sure. Ft. Lauderdale, 2013
3) Life vest - A no-brainer for the boating baby. While I admit that our girls are not in life jackets 24/7 (it's not practical), they give us tremendous peace of mind when we're in the dinghy, on docks (I am way more nervous about our girls running around on docks than I am when we are at anchor) and visiting the un baby-proofed boats of friends. There are many brands of infant life vests, just make sure the jacket you get is rated for the weight of your child and you might need to try a couple different brands to find the right (and most comfortable) fit for your child.
Happy girl playing freely on the deck. St. John, 2015
4) Soft structured carrier - I'm a huge, HUGE fan of baby wearing. It was awesome, wonderful and very "mother earth" with Isla, and I'm pretty sure that it saved my life (and certainly my sanity) with the twins (check out my post on Tandem-Wearing Twins). There are many advantages to baby-wearing and many different brands of carriers, but the most versatile and my go-to carrier for babies six months and up is the ERGObaby performance baby carrier. I just noticed they came out with a super light, breatheable version as well, which might be a good option for babies in the tropics.
Wear ALL the babies! Sopers Hole, 2015
5) Puddle Jumper/Swim Float - Being surrounded by water means we have no shortage of floatation devices aboard! The Stearns Kids Puddle Jumper is a US Coast Guard approved swim/life vest that we use for our girls at the pool or beach. They love them. You might not realize it, but life jackets are terrible for swimming. They are designed to put a baby on their back in the water so kids who are not strong swimmers will immediately go 'turtle'. No fun. The puddle jumper is great for encouraging kids to start swimming, and while it's recommended for kids 30 pounds and up, both our twins have been using them since they were much smaller, under close supervision of course. They allow them some independence in the water, and if there is one thing our girls have in common - it's a strong will to do things on their own!
Mira, one happy little fishy! St. John, 2015
6) Swim Diapers- beach attire is a big deal for us since we spend at least a couple hours each day there and because the twins are still in diapers, that means we often need a swim diaper. We were generously gifted some Bamino Mio swim diapers and love them, not only are their swim diapers super affordable ($9.99 a piece!) and super cute, but they get the job done (yep, they'll contain the poop. Just...trust me).
Tushie brought to you by Mira. Chicago, 2015
7) Rash Guar Swimwear - When at the beach, I like our girls to be as protected as possible and that means UV swimwear, preferably with full or at least partial sleeves. Our newest parnter, SwimZip, is our new choice of beach wear. Not only are their suits affordable, and boast a slew of adorable styles, but the greatest part is that they all feature a zipper up the front which makes getting them on and off SO. MUCH. EASIER. When you are dressing and undressing three small children several times a day (note: easier said than done!!), anything that will make the process a little less painful (and quicker!) is very welcome, and these suits do the trick. We love them.
8) Sun Hats/Sunglasses/Sunscreen - These three are lumped together as they are all necessary evils to the beach baby. Hats are tugged at, sunglasses are pulled off, and sunscreen - ugh - the daily ritual of applying sunscreen is quite possibly the bane of my existence. But these three items are must-haves and so I've included them here.
  • As far as hats go, we have tried a BUNCH of brands and the one that is by far the best is FlapHappy. We love them so much we approached them for partnership and they obliged. They have great styles, all of which feature either velcro or (better yet) tie closures making them a little harder for the kids to get off. Our favorite is the Flap Happy original flap hat which comes in a wide array of sizes and colors. 
  • For sunglasses, we have a couple brands we like. For the twins, I like Mustachifier Polarized Baby Sunglasses which are great because they are rubbery and almost impossible to break (ours are still going strong after being manhandled by Haven - aka "the destroyer of things"). The other brand I love for Isla are the RIVBOS Rubber Kids Polarized Sunglasses.
  • As far as sunscreen, I am not too picky. I try to buy the "good stuff' (i.e. not cancer-causing and toxic), but as long as it doesn't sting eyes and has an SPF of at least 50, I will use it. That said, I've recently been turned onto the Babyganics Mineral-Based Baby Sunscreen Spray and I have to say I much prefer it (and the cost!) to the more expensive, 'fancier' sun cream brands I have tried - plus, it's mineral based and that feels good.
Haven fixes Mira's hat. The Baths, Virgin Gorda 2015
9) Beach Bag/Diaper Bag - With babies, no matter how light you try to travel, comes gear. More kids = more gear. The best bag for the job, the one we have been using since day one, is our Sailor Bags Back Pack. I cannot say enough good things about this company and their bags (of which we have about fifteen!), and we are very proud to have them as a partner. We pack our backpack with beach towels, spare clothes, sunscreen, water bottles, and snacks. It's got enough room for our phones, camera, computer and wallets. We use it for everything from beach trips to provisioning runs and it comes with us everywhere. It's awesome. Big enough to hold a bunch of stuff, but not too big to be a burden. The perfect day pack, in our opinion. (Note: It's also a great carry on if you are flying with little ones!)
Our bag that we've been using since our FIRST BOAT! Cane Garden Bay, Tortola 2015
10) Fisher Price High Chairs/Booster Seats - when we were cruising with Isla, we loved the Bumbo Seat with the tray addition. Then we had our twins and it (very quickly) became apparent that we were dealing with three VERY different personalities and the Bumbo was not going to restrain Haven (Haven = Strong Like Bull) and was going to be uncomfortable for our little peanut, Mira. I went on the hunt for another solution. I found what I think is a far superior and more practical seat in the Fisher-Price Booster Seat with tray. This thing is fantastic. It travels well and packs up (relatively) small. We use it for every meal and it's a breeze to set up, break down and clean. It also doubles as a safety chair underway (two carseats would simply not fit in our boat and our girls do NOT enjoy that kind of restraint) we use the straps that are meant to attached to a chair, and attach them to cleats and winches and - voila! - we have seats that keep the girls entertained underway, with trays that I can add a few suction cup toys to for entertainment. (Note: I would not recommend this seat as a long term solution for serious passage-making, a car seat or something more protective would be better IMO).
It's not always pretty, but they're not going anywhere! Nanny Cay, 2015
11) Sturdy Beach Toys - Beach toys are key for babies who spend hours at the beach. While you don't need anything fancy, a few buckets, shovels and watering cans can go a long way with keeping little ones entertained on the shore. Up until now, I just bought the cheapest beach toys I could find. But after seeing how quickly they break down with constant use, I went on the hunt to find higher quality toys. I found them in Spielstabil Beach Toys. These beach toys are the bomb. They are made of higher grade plastic, super strong, and made to last (I mean, they are maufacuted by Germans!) When you hold them you can tell immediately they are of superior quality. I am pretty anal about keeping our toys together and in good condition and I am so pleased to partner with them and know that we have sand toys that will now last longer than one season!
12) Battery (or DC) powered sound machines - I know, I know. This one seems a little bit "out of left field" for this list, but I have two words for you: white noise. A 44 foot boat is by no means small as far as cruising boats go, but it does provide pretty cramped quarters for a family of five. As most of you know sleep for our kids is a big deal for me, and Isla sleeps in our walk through which is has no walls or sound barrier to quiet outside noise. The twins still wake up in the night, Scott and I have friends over from time to time, and general boat noises are sometimes loud, especially underway. We use the battery operated Conair Sound Machine to help drown out background noise so our girls sleep soundly. I can tell you that without them on, they wake up more frequently. The downside, of course, is that these are battery operated and so we burn through our rechargeable batteries pretty quickly. But if it means a better and longer nap, I'll take it!

So there's our current list of favorites, what are some of your great products or life-hacks for the boat baby? Share in the comments - we're always looking for new ideas of great products that make boating with babies a little bit easier!

Monday, July 20, 2015

Flying with Three Kids Three and Under is Not Fun

Shocker, right? But for the 1% of you who are surprised by this revelation; air travel and toddlers pair about as well as socks and sandals. You can do it, but it doesn't look pretty. My recent travel stint from Tortola, BVI to Chicago, IL might be the most exhausting day of my life. And, for the record, I have toddling twins who, for the first four months of their precious lives, slept on my person and nursed every two hours. So I know a thing or two about exhaustion.

Granted, two out of three of our girls were complete angels the entire twelve hour day. But - as they say - one bad apple can spoil the bunch. And one screaming toddler on a plane is all it takes to make you look like a jack-ass parent. Who cares if the other two are wonderful and quiet and good? The "bad" one will ensure you don't get the "What good children you have!" compliment down at baggage claim. Ho-hum.

Turns out, Haven and airplane-style containment don't mix.

The day started off okay, I was packed and prepped. Traveling with kids is sort of our "thing" so I was organized and had all the necessary gear (umbrella strollers, Ergo carriers, an arsenal of snacks and a few select toys being the most important) to make the trip as smooth as possible without being overburdened with clutter. I felt pretty good about it, but was wary... Our twins are sixteen months old which, in my opinion, falls smack dab in the center of the age range when travel with children should be avoided at all costs. These children are old enough to stave off sleep and throw tantrums of epic proportions, yet too young to actually entertain themselves (read: sit still) for any significant length of time....Yep, the toddler is your travel nemesis.

The first sign of the hell that would follow came in the cab ride to the airport. Haven, our twin who is often described as "wild" ("You can just see it in her eyes!" they say) and affectionately referred to as "hell on wheels" came undone in the cab. Carseats are not required in the Caribbean and we don't have room for that sort of thing on our boat so we sat the kids in the second row and buckled them in. Isla (our three year old) and Mira sat quietly and peacefully but Haven decided she wanted to explore. In the cab. While it was moving. Imagine traveling in a car with a spider monkey on meth. It was like that for the entire thirty minute drive.

Then, things started looking up. The first airport was fine. The first forty-five minute flight was fine. Heck, even the second airport (complete with three hour layover) was fine. I had done well in my preparation and the girls were fed, entertained, and we had the right mix of gear to get them through security (aka: the portal to hell for families traveling with small children) and to the gate with nary a meltdown or fuss. I was proud of my planning and I mistakenly gave myself a silent pat on the back as we began to board our second, and final, flight.

A flight, mind you, that was over four hours.

That is a very long time for a very active lap baby.

We took off and all three girls fell asleep, the twins in the ergo carriers (Mira on my mom, Haven on me) and Isla in her own seat at my side. It was bliss and I was feeling very 'boss mom'. When the flight attended came over and asked if I'd like anything, I quietly requested wine and peanuts. She brought them and no sooner had I taken a first nibble of peanut and sip of wine when Haven started stirring. Shit. Turns out, when a baby is sleeping on your chest very close to your neck, they can hear you chew and gulp. I held my breath, said a quick prayer to all things Holy that she would zonk back out while simultaneously cursing my wine "habit", but it was all for naught; she began to thrash further in the carrier and wanted OUT. I handed the flight attendant my wine (after taking a healthy gulp), stood up and did the desperate "mom bounce" in the aisle. Cue the seatbelt light.

Greeeaaat.

Haven would have none of it. With wide eyes, kicking legs, and clawing arms she started screaming in protest. And if there is one thing I can tell you about this child, it's that she is LOUD. Louder than you can possibly imagine.

I looked at my mom across the aisle who's face was a mask of sheer horror. She knows Haven. She's endured the wrath of the pterodactyl cry. She was afraid - for the other passengers, for me - we had three solid hours of flying to go. This was not looking good.

With much bouncing and many snacks, I managed to get her quiet and out of the carrier, but not after she'd woken up both her sisters and disturbed everyone on the plane. Luckily, we were surrounded by wonderful passengers (#thankyouUniverse) so no one gave me the stink eye or made any rude comments about me controlling my unruly child. In fact, I think most people were just happy they were not me on that flight. It was very, very clear that I had my hands full and was doing everything in my power to keep the kids (well, Haven) at bay.

Turns out, flying with Haven is not unlike giving a cat a bath. All arms and legs and grabbing and wrangling and struggling and plying with snacks and toys and "hey look, something shiny!" At one point, she was hanging off the seat in front of us and at another she managed to unscrew the overhead light. Of course she activated our flight attendant call button a half dozen times. Luckily, despite her rambunctious nature, Haven is flirtatious, outgoing and utterly adorable so our attendant (and flight neighbors) didn't seem to mind her too much. Or if they did, they weren't letting on (again, #thankyouUniverse).

When we finally landed in Chicago, over twelve hours after our day began and three hours past our kids' bedtimes sans naps, I was finished, the kids were finished and so was my mom.

"That was hell" she said to me with a dead-pan face as we reconvened at baggage claim after a much needed bathroom break, "if I were you, I wouldn't fly again until those girls are three."

I laughed. Because, really, what else can you do?

Yes, it was hard. It was exhausting and frustrating and, at times, embarrassing. But it could have been much, much worse. At least Haven is happy. Sure, she's a handful. But she's a happy handful. I'll take that over an unhappy handful any day.

Luckily, parenthood comes with a sort of amnesia that keeps us keeping on. Despite the hellish road trips, vacations gone awry, holidays gone haywire and madness-inducing flights - we move on in a "this too shall pass" fashion; knowing, hoping and - for some of us - praying that the next time will be better. And it may or may not be, but such is life. We are blessed to be on this wild ride.

It's all part of the adventure. And what an adventure it is.

I just hope that during the next flight, I can get a full glass of wine in me. It definitely takes the edge off.








Tuesday, September 16, 2014

"Wearing" Twins: My Favorite Methods of Tandem Babywearing

"You've got your hands full!" This phrase is, bar none, the most common reaction from people when they see me out and about with our three girls ("Your poor husband!" is a close second). A mom grocery shopping with three kids under three is always going to attract some attention, but a mom grocery shopping while wearing two infants and pushing a toddler in a grocery cart gets a lot of attention.  She might even get her photo taken by strangers once or twice a week (no joke).  Unlike some twin moms, I don't mind the attention that our twins bring. Instead of getting annoyed with this very common (and understandable) reaction, I always smile back, raise my arms up in the air while my babies sit all cozied up on my hips in their ring slings and say "Well, technically, I am hands-free".  Then we all have a good little chuckle.

I have written pretty frequently about my love of "wearing" our babies.  When Isla was born I was gifted a Moby Wrap by a very good friend and that single gesture literally changed my life and the way I would child-rear.  Prior to that moment, I had never even heard the term "babywearing".  Sure, I'd seen the popular "baby bjorn" (a carrier which, by the way, does not render the same baby wearing benefits as other carriers and wraps) but other than that, I knew nothing about it.  Once I learned how to use my Moby Wrap, I was obsessed and wore Isla all snuggled up on my chest for approximately four months non-stop.  Ever since, I have been a huge advocate of "baby wearing" and all goodness that it promotes between mother and child.

The benefits of baby wearing are vast.  Babies who are worn regularly are shown to have positive "attachment" to their parents, they cry less, and are (in general) happier.  Baby wearing has been proven to help physical, cognitive and verbal development as well.  The list of "pros" goes on and it is my personal mission to help expose as many people to the beauty of baby wearing as I possibly can, because I truly see it as a gift and something that makes motherhood (particularly twin + toddler motherhood) so. much. easier. And, let's face it, I am totally down with anything that allows me to free my hands so that I can easily drink wine enjoy the park with our toddler.

When I found out we were pregnant with twins, I instantly began to research whether or not it was possible to wear two at once.  Knowing how wonderful it was to wear (and simultaneously bond with) Isla, I desperately wanted to be able to share the same experience with the twins.  I hit the world wide web looking for answers and I found it in the form of "tandem" baby wearing. I am happy to say that our twins have been held and carried almost as much as any singleton baby. This is a feat that I am super proud of but one that could not have been accomplished without the art of babywearing. Sure, I might be an inch shorter by the time our twins turn one, but it'll be an inch lost to gain a mile. Or something like that.

Anywho...

Turns out, there are lots of ways to wear twins (or two infants close in age) and I have tried many of them.  When I get "into" something I tend to go "all in" so I have accumulated no fewer than ten different carriers in which to wear our twins and Isla.  I will go through some of my favorite types of carriers and carries in this post.  Please note:  This is not a "how to" (but I will post links to articles and videos when appropriate) and you should baby wear at your own discretion, as some of these methods require some skill and if not done correctly can injure your baby.  Also, I am not a baby wearing pro and all the opinions about the carriers and best ages of them are my own. Always check with the manufacturer and do your own homework/research as well. In other words, please do not sue me. Thank you.

Okay, here goes...

The Moby (aka "stretchy") Wrap:  The Moby Wrap was the first wrap I ever owned so it
holds a very special place in my heart.  This awesome PDF illustrates the many ways to use this wrap. It is fantastic for one baby, particularly a very little baby - but it is also great for wearing newborn twins.  I tandem wore the girls in my Moby wrap using the "twin cradle carry" for the first three months and it was fantastic. Once both of them started to clock in at over ten pounds, however, I found it too much weight on my front to be comfortable and because of the stretchy nature of this wrap, after an hour or so the babies would get all slouchy and saggy.  (This is the same reason you should not use a stretchy wrap to wear twins in a front and back carry, fyi).  I also found all the fabric to be very hot in the summertime.  If you are having a winter baby, the Moby wrap is your friend!

Cost: $40-$50
Pros: A super snug fit, baby is very securely attached to momma, baby is almost instantly put into a coma-like slumber once settled.
Cons: It's a TON of fabric and can be intimidating to learn the wraps. Not great for summer time as it can get very hot, not easy to take a sleeping baby out of it without waking, with twins you are really limited to only a front carry.
Best age: I preferred my Moby for newborns up until 3/4 months (but really babies can be worn in a Moby much longer).

The Ring Sling:  This is, right now, my numero uno preferred way to wear the girls.  I have Lite-on-Shoulder Baby Sling which are super affordable (some ring slings can cost upwards of $100) and they are, as the name suggests, light and easy.  I seriously LOVE the ease of use and convenience of them.  Most of the other methods of baby wearing I mention here usually lull the girls into a pretty deep sleep because I use the chest-facing positions which limit the view and provide closeness to mamas heart and chest (natural sleep aids), so when I don't want the girls to fall fast asleep (say, right after a two hour nap) I will pop them in the ring slings and we'll take a walk or go grocery shopping.  They get the benefit of stimulation but still have the closeness of mama.  When the babies are on me they are almost always content and hardly ever cry or make a peep.  We can go about our business happily and with no fuss and drama (as opposed to in a stroller where one or both are usually fussing at any given time).

Cost: $30-$100 depending on material, retailer and/or if you DIY
Pros: Very easy to get on and off, good for when you want babies to stay awake a bit (but they will happily fall asleep eventually if tired in these slings), these pack very small and are super easy to keep in a purse or diaper bag for when you need them. Good for summer as the material is light and breathable.
Cons: When wearing two, after an hour or two you will feel it. Not my favorite way to carry sleeping twins (I prefer the wearer-facing position on the chest for sleep).  When wearing two, you are definitely a 'wide load' (not, however, as wide and bulky as a double stroller). Sometimes it can be tricky to get the "seat" right if you are just starting out.
Best age: I prefer the ring slings when a baby has good neck strength and is a little bit more "sturdy", so from 3 or 4 months on.

The Woven (aka "not-stretchy") Wrap:  Many "hardcore" baby wearers swear by the woven wrap because they are so incredibly versatile. There are many different kinds but I have a size seven Didymos Wrap which is the size most recommended for tandem wearing. A woven wrap is similar to the Moby wrap, but it does not stretch and so it can be used for a whole host of carries that a Moby can't, like front and back carries (whereby one baby is strapped on your front and one strapped on your back) which are for sure the most comfortable way to wear twins, but also the most complicated.  If I am alone and need both babies to go to sleep and for whatever reason can't put them in their crib, I love this wrap because both zonk out after about five minutes.  The downside of using this wrap for the front and back carry is that if the baby on the back wants out, you must rouse the baby on the front as well.  The other downside is that you can't really see the baby on the back so I have been known to ask, "Hey, can you tell me if this baby is sleeping?" to the grocery store checkout clerk or a random passerby.  I have also resorted to taking awkward selfies with my iPhone in order to see the baby in the back as well.

Cost: $70-$250 depending on material, size and brand.
Pros: Most comfortable, balanced way to carry twins. Very versatile (many different types of carries can be done using these wraps)
Cons: Twin front and back carries are the most tricky and require the most skill, like the Moby, these consist of a LOT of fabric and can be very warm, not typically an "easy in/easy out" type of carrier.
Best age: Newborns to toddlers, depending on the type of carry

The Soft Structured Carrier:  I have five of these.  Two Ergo Performance Carrier, two Mei Tai Carriers and one Tula Toddler Carrier (for Isla).  These are great and super easy once your babies are sturdy enough for them. I have just started using these with the twins (one ergo on front, one ergo on back) and man, is it a breeze and SO much more comfortable for longer walkds than a tandem hip carry.  While I do prefer the closeness that the wraps and ring slings provide, as the twins get bigger these will be the standard way I wear them.  The carrier we used most with Isla on the boat was, hands down, the Ergo.

Cost: $40-$130 depending on brand/type
Pros: Super easy to get on and off, comfortable to wear, offers the most balanced way to wear twins.
Cons: Slightly bulkier than the ring slings, can get warm.
Best age: (in my opinion) 6 months to toddlers (you can wear younger babies in these using an infant insert but I prefer the snuggliness of the wraps to these for tiny babies)

The Baby K'Tan Breeze:  I am a big fan of the Baby K'tan Breeze.  I don't know of any other mom's who use these, but they are very light (great for hot climates or summer babies) and super easy to use (unlike the wraps, which take some practice) but still provide the same front cradle carry like the Moby or woven.  I have two of these carriers, one for each baby and I have tandem worn them on the front by shifting one baby to my left and the other to my right.  While this did work, it was pretty difficult to execute and very exhausting to have almost thirty pounds of baby hanging at my front so Scott and I use these carriers independently when we can each wear a baby and we want them to sleep. They are great to travel with when you want to pack light.

Cost: about $60
Pros: Light and super easy to get on and off, great for when you want baby to sleep, great for hot climates or summer months.
Cons: They don't feel as "secure" as the wraps, can't really adjust the fit, and you are pretty limited to the types of carries.  You also must make sure you get the right size which can be tricky. And while you CAN wear two smaller babies at once it is not easy nor pretty, and probably not recommended (I have just done it out of desperation).
Best age: 2-3 months and up since the fit isn't as snug.

So...if you are keeping track, that is twelve carriers for our kiddos.  Kinda crazy, I know.  But anyone who is into baby wearing will tell you it's an addiction.  Kind of like tattoos.  Or not.  Either way, once you start - you're not going to want to stop. It's healthy, convenient and a fantastic way to travel with the littles (by boat or plane or just out and about), way, way easier than carting a stroller (have you seen the size of twin strollers?!)  Wear those babies and you, too, will quickly see first hand the advantages and benefits. Happy bonding :)

Some notes on Babywearing:
  • Your baby might resist babywearing at first. This is normal. Some fussiness and crying does NOT mean you should give up and that they won't ever like it. Practice makes perfect. With all our babies, there were tears at first - but as soon as I started moving (sometimes I had to walk around the block) they settled and each time it got easier. Now, they get excited when they see me putting on the carriers they love it THAT much.
  • Many of these wraps and soft structured carriers can be used together. For example, you can wear one baby on your front in a Moby wrap and then have a baby on your back in an Ergo. There are many combinations that can be made with different carriers for tandem wearing!
  • Dad's (and others) can wear babies too! When we go out on "family walks" I often prefer to ditch the stroller and have Scott wear one of the twins on his front, Isla on his back and then I will wear the other twin. Super easy and fun - not only is it a good work out for mom and dad, but it promotes bonding and development for baby!
  • When wrapping, the tighter the better. It will feel strange and too tight at first, but remember how compact those babies were in the womb? That's the type of closeness you want. A snug fit is much better (and safer) than a loose one.
  • There are MANY more types of baby carries and carriers out there! Everyone has their favorite carries and carriers and what has worked for me may or may not work for you. Many communities have programs where you can rent baby wraps and carriers to see if you like them before you buy them so look for baby wearing groups near you.
Resources:
Babywearing 101:  Probably the best downloadable PDF illustrating MANY carries and carriers.
Babywearing Tips and Tricks:  A nice Pinterest board dedicated to all things babywearing!
Wrap Your Baby: A page dedicated to wrapping twins. Ideas and Videos included.
Babywearing International: Non-profit dedicated to promoting babywearing.
Choosing a Baby Carrier: A small explanation of the types of carriers.
Slings, Wraps and other Carriers - Where, How and Why: Article by one of my faves, Kelly mom.
Soft Structured Carrier Comparison Chart - This. Is. Awesome. And shows all the different types of soft structured carriers.

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