Living Afloat with Littles: Is Raising Toddlers Harder on a Boat?

When people find out that we live on a boat with our four year old and two year old twins, the overwhelming reaction is one of shock quickly followed by disbelief and then wonder. "You live on a boat with those girls? There is NO way I would be able to do that!" they say. "But, wow... Good for you!" Then they think for a second and an inquisitive look crosses their face as they finish with, "What's it like?" I am here to say that, yes, living on a boat is certainly different than raising kids on land, but it's not necessarily as demanding as you might imagine. In many ways it *is* harder, in some ways it's easier and in others it's exactly the same (i.e we still deal with tantrums and meltdowns, we are constantly operating at a base line of exhaustion, and the conundrum of what in the h*ll to cook for dinner is a daily struggle, to name a few.) Scott and I have lived aboard since 2010 and taken several substantial "land breaks" in the states during that time, so we have experienced each lifestyle with our family. Just like everything, there is a yin and yang balance of plusses and minuses to both so the answer to the title question isn't a simple "yes" or "no"...

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WHAT'S HARDER?

The real differences lie not in the fact that we live on a sailboat, per se, but are a family of five living in a >>"tiny" home<<. There are definite challenges to this arrangement...

Lack of Space: Captain Obvious here! We live in a two "bedroom" boat that is slightly larger than an average sized RV. At forty-four feet, >>our boat<< is by no means "small" for a cruising monohull (in fact it is pretty average), but a) most cruisers are couples and not families and b) our livable square footage is actually less than an average home's living room. It's...cozy. Our twins share a room (and to call it a 'room' is laughable) and Isla sleeps in >>a make-shift bunk bed we created in our walk-thru<< to the aft cabin. We have almost zero privacy and no doors except for those on the twins' room and our bathrooms. Our communal living space is halved when we raise up our (folding) dining table and if we are all aboard, we are - quite literally - tripping over each other. Hosting out of town guests? Forget about it, we simply do not have the space.

This is where they play most of the time. Note that if I need to go to the bathroom, galley, nav station or cockpit I must step over children.

Fewer Amenities: We don't have a microwave, a dishwasher, or a washer/dryer. We have no television. Storage space is hugely truncated as well; we don't have a large pantry, closets or spacious cupboards to store food and gear and instead rely on awkward spaces behind cushions and under floorboards to squirrel things away. Our refrigerator is a glamorized cooler and the act of packing and unpacking it requires a zen level of patience and serious Tetris skills (neither of which I possess). We have no adequate indoor bathtub or shower, and thus must bathe and shower outside on deck or walk to the marina showers a few docks down (not always realistic or convenient with three little kids in tow!) All of these things make day to day living just a little bit harder.

No Dedicated Play Area: Most homes have a dedicated play space for their kids, it might be a basement, a child's bedroom, a playroom or a back yard. In this area toys rule the roost and kids are usually free to make a mess at their will, play safely, and - in most cases - out of their parent's way. We do not have this luxury. There is no dedicated area for the kids to play on our boat, they play in the salon which also is our dining room, living room, office and recreation room - meaning to get from point A to point B at any given time, I usually have to step over an array of play things and a child or two. There is literally no escape!

Our table which does duty as our craft area, stage, fort (underneath) and also happens to halve our salon space.

No Personal/Entertainment Space: Personal space? What's that? Pile on's aren't the exception, they are the rule on our boat! Joking aside, we are more or less a "one room" house and getting away from one another is pretty much impossible on our boat. It's very easy to get overwhelmed when the girls are fighting and there's only one place to put them - or me - in a time out, and our very close proximity (and the fact that we have two year old twins!) means things go from cool to crazy very quickly (and by "crazy" I mean bat-sh*t crazy!) We rarely host play dates because our three girls alone fill the space and any more kids just gets nuts, and having friends over for dinner is almost impossible with sleeping children around. We also run a >>very busy day charter business<< and Scott does all the admin for that...when he needs our boat to double as his 'office' during the day, the girls and I must make ourselves scarce because it's impossible, literally impossible, to work alongside three very active little girls in a small space.

Yeah, attempting to get work done with three toddlers in a communal living space is pretty futile.

Safety: Ah, the issue of safety. By nature I am not a helicopter mom, but a boat floats which means we are surrounded by potential hazard and I cannot give them the freedoms I would if we lived on land. Of course we have >>taken every precaution to keep our girls safe<<, just as any parent would, but, unlike a parent who can feel safe letting their kids run free in their fenced-in back yard, we do not have that luxury. If our girls are on deck, they must be monitored. Until >>they can all swim adequately<< this will be an ever-present issue and it just goes with the territory. And can we talk about getting all three of them on and off the boat?! Phew! It's like getting three kids in and out of carseats...but harder. Lifting three toddlers on and off a boat 3-4 times a day? That's a CrossFit workout right there!

She climbs up here by herself. She's two. Our adventurous kids keep us on our toes!

The list goes on.

The challenges are there and they are real.  There are times when an extra bedroom, an office, a comfy couch in front of a flat-screen t.v, a playroom, locking doors, a garage and a backyard would be positively lovely.

BUT...

The world is our oyster (how many homes do you know >>can up and sail to another island<<?) and the challenges of living small also bring forth many benefits....

WHAT'S AWESOME?

Family bonding: Our girls are never more than ten feet from my person, so I always know what is going on and simply being close to them means I am always there. This might not seem like a big deal, but our close proximity to each other day in and day out is fostering strong familial bonds as a direct result of this togetherness. So. Much. Snuggling! Our girls are sisters, playmates, and bunkmates and are leaning >>valuable lessons<< in side-by-side playing, personal space, cooperation, respect for another's space and conflict resolution because of this. Being so close in age means they often play with the same toys exacerbating these lessons and life skills. Of course this closeness also results in epic cat-fights, tantrums and ear-piercing meltdowns, but - hey - they are laying some pretty solid ground work and it is my belief that, in the long run, being physically close as a family will result in emotional close-ness later on (>>crosses fingers<<).

Grainy pic, but this is a pretty standard morning shot. We all pile into mommy and daddy's bed and cuddle. 

Less to Clean: It's true that messes are quick to be made in a very small space, but they are very quick to be tidied up as well. It literally takes me all of ten minutes, tops, to clean up our entire living space after a couple hours of play. Crumbs on the floor after lunch? My trusty dustbuster will clean up the whole floor in five minutes flat! The girls are learning the importance of playing with a few things at a time, putting those things away, and playing with something else. Of course they are kids and make a mess and have fun, but because every toy has a place, they know to clean up after themselves. Most of the time. ;)

This is a game they love to play. I'm not sure what it is, but they set up chairs with pillows and blankets, and sit there. 

Less stuff : The >>benefits of owning less stuff are vast<<. While we are by no means 'minimalists', the simple act of living on a forty-four foot boat means we have less than most because we simply have less room. This goes for toys as well. Having fewer toys means our girls are more imaginative with >>what they do have<<, and I believe that this has honed their self-entertainment skills and creative ability. They can quietly sit alongside each other and play - together or alone - for long stretches of time with the toys that they have and when those get old, their imaginations start to soar. Pillows, blankets and the most mundane things become forts, gowns and spaceships. Watching them play together is such a joy for me. And while we do watch the occasional movie on our computer, and I certainly see the value of utilizing the iPad from time to time, we do not have television and I strongly believe that limiting screen time has also helped foster their ability to self-entertain and be creative with play, and each other.

Their sisterly bond and friendship is something that is very important for me to help cultivate if I can.

Multicultural Experience: We live on a very small island where a multitude of nationalities reside. Every day our girls interact with Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Jamaicans, British, French, Guyanese...the list goes on. Living at a vibrant and very popular marina means they meet new people - and hear a litany of dialects and accents - every day. They greet the lawn workers with the same respect as the general manager and every week, they share the swimming pool with local islanders with mental and physical disabilities ranging from downs syndrome to autism. Our marina is a magnet for young people - local and expat - and our girls play with kids of all ages regardless of social class or skin color. This sort of exposure is helping shape their world view and, hopefully, helping to create more worldly, tolerant and compassionate people.

Our resident coconut man, we love him! Each time we see him we get water nuts, fruit and hugs!

Safety: I mentioned the fact that being surrounded by water is a safety concern, and it is. But in many ways I feel safer on our boat with our girls than I do in most homes. Boats, by nature, are actually pretty child-proof. All cupboards on a boat are self-locking which means our girls can rarely get into places they aren't supposed to, so the fear of them getting into cleaning supplies or medicines is highly unlikely. Furthermore, our girls are bonafide monkey's who love to climb and test their limits (a skill and curiosity I fully encourage and rarely dissuade), and - on a boat - there's no chance of a television, dresser or armoire toppling over on them. And, again, the fact that they are never more than ten feet from my person means whatever trouble they can get into, is often discovered very quickly.

She is our resident Denis the Menace. Her spirit is wild and her mind fearless. She is awesome.

Outside Everyday: Living in a (relatively) small sailboat forces us outdoors a lot more than we probably would be if we lived in a house and had more space. More time outdoors means more time in nature, more vitamin D, more interacting with the natural environment, socializing with our community and neighbors, and more time swimming, running, digging and playing. >>All good stuff<<, for sure! I never feel isolated as a "stay on boat" mom because all I need to do is get off the boat and walk the dock for a moment before I can talk to a fellow mom, vacationer, cruiser or friend. What we lack in organized structures like museums, play parks, and activity centers (because there are not many of those things here!) we get in nature. We have our choice of beaches to explore, islands to visit, and water activities to indulge in and we love that. We spend our days playing and not rushing from organized activity to organized activity. Instead of constantly being entertained, our girls are learning to entertain themselves.

Trying to find indoor pictures for this post was hard because 95% of our waking hours are spent OUTSIDE!

Community: This has more to do with where we live on our boat than the fact that we live on a boat, but - still - it's worth noting. As I mentioned above, living "small" means we get out a lot more. Our girls live in a "neighborhood" (marina) where we know just about everyone, by name, and each day our kids are hugged, greeted and held by a whole slew of familiar faces from the maintenance men to taxi drivers to the restaurant waitstaff. Everyone has an eye on our girls and we all help one another out. Islanders live and understand the "village mentality" which is really refreshing, particularly for parents like us who have >>"free rage" tendencies<<. The restaurant staff will tell my kids to behave and the dock assistant will grab a child that's run too far from me and bring her back with a smile. We have neighborhood kids as babysitters and to summon them all I need to do is walk around the docks and find them. Our girls join us at happy hour where they are greeted by all our friends and every Friday we enjoy a giant beach BBQ with fellow islanders and marina guests. It's awesome.

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The bottom line, and one that I have preached many times on this blog, is that little children are completely adaptable and as long as the parents can adjust (and this here is the tricker part!), living on a boat is very do-able with kids. Some things will be easier than you expect, some will be tougher - but one thing is certain, parenting is hard work no matter where you are.  You will need to find your own groove, develop your own systems and do what works for you. This lifestyle is most certainly not for everyone and while it works very well for us and our family (most of the time...), there are just as many people who wouldn't last a week living like we do. Some people thrive living in a city, some prefer suburbs, others find peace in rural areas and we happen to live on an island. There are families that live in busses, cars, tents and yurts...Whether or not a certain lifestyle 'works' and is 'easy' really depends on the person and, pun intended, what floats their boat.

Shirtless, dirty, and swinging fearlessly from a rope on a tree. As it should be!

Me? I wouldn't change how we live for the world. If I had a dime for each time I heard, "What a fantastic way to grow up!" I'd have that three cabin monohull we've been eyeing. And I completely agree! We thrive on the living with less and I believe our unconventional lifestyle is doing incredible things for our girls in these very formative years. We have less in many ways, but in others we have so much more. Each challenge is an incubator for thought, growth, and integrity. There are many >>side effects to the way we live<<, and most of them are positive.

Is is harder? A little. Is it worth it? Totally.

* Big thank you to Facebook follower, Chris Wick, for asking this question and inspiring this post!

10 Boat Features we Find Useful for the Baby on Board

Boating and babies go together better than you might imagine, however, there are a few concessions one must make in order for the transition to be a smooth one. The boat you choose is a big one. The vessel you select for your journey – it’s pedigree, age, performance and features – can and will hugely impact your experience and enjoyment. This rule applies whether or not you have kids on board. There are certain traits, however, that really seem to suit the “baby on board” moniker. After three kids and over four years of boating with babies and/or toddlers we have compiled a list of ten boat characteristics that make life afloat with little ones easier. If you are like me, anything that makes the already hard job of parenting less of a crazy train is worth noting, so take heed. These things might not be “essential” but will almost certainly impact the frustrating vs. fun factor. 

Plenty of cabins/bunks

We wish SO BADLY we had a third cabin, it’s insane. We will most certainly be upgrading to a new boat in the next couple years and you had better believe our next boat will have a third cabin. The twins currently share our v-berth, but Isla sleeps in a make shift bunk bed we made in our walk-thru. She loves it and it works great for her…now. It’s definitely got an expiration date as it’s smaller than a toddler bed and children have this uncanny ability to grow non-stop, not to mention the fact that her placement in the “main cabin” of our boat greatly inhibits our life after she goes to bed. We cannot cook, watch movies, or hang out in our salon once it’s ‘lights out’ for her. Not the biggest deal to befall a boater, but something to seriously consider when boat shopping.

Plenty of water tankage

We used to be really conservative about our water use aboard when we cruised as a couple. We carried 60 gallons and had a 5 gallon per hour water maker that we’d run for a few hours once a week. We were so good and ecological! Now? We’re all “Who built the Ark? Let’s fill up that baby pool on the aft deck so the kids will play quietly for twenty minutes!” Luckily, when we were actively cruising with our eldest, we foresaw the need (or desire?) for more water and outfitted our boat with a high-output Cruise RO water maker. We sang it praise almost every day. Babies are messy. REALLY Being able to hose them off after the beach, the pool, or after they smear pasta sauce and/or god knows what else all over their adorable pudgy bodies really makes life easier. Not to mention the ability to do laundry regularly. We regularly rinse our boat, our clothes, ourselves and our kids and – believe me – life is better because of it!

Ability to be singlehanded

This is a biggie for the baby boat because human babies are pretty damn dependent for the first couple years of life. We learned very quickly that once we had our first child, one person needed to be on boat duty, while the other was on baby duty. When sailing overnight, we both assumed watch schedules while Isla slept, but most of the time, mommy tended to all things baby, while daddy sailed the boat. Of course we both could do the other’s job (to a point, Scott couldn’t nurse the babies) but we found this arrangement worked well for us.

Center cockpit

There are those that love center cockpit boats, and those that don’t. We stand firmly and proudly in the first camp. A center cockpit is great for a ‘baby boat’ for so many reasons. For one, it provides a nice 360 degree buffer between the water and the child, which is always a nice bonus when it comes to a baby on a boat. It also allows for an aft cabin, which makes for a great en-suite master bedroom and a little separation from the front of the boat and kids. And finally the center cockpit layout provides an aft-deck which makes a great place to load and unload provisions, store beach gear an other miscellaneous effects, and makes for an ideal area to hose off and/or shower after a day at the beach.

Swim platform

This makes getting in and out of the dinghy with babies tremendously easier. Having a nice, secure step or platform between the boat and the dinghy is great for doing the (sometimes precarious) baby-to-boat handoff. And if you ever find yourself solo parenting as I do? The step is almost a necessity! We will never own a boat without one of these!

One level interior

Having an interior with as few “levels” as possible is nice because, trust me, your baby will fall down those naughty little steps all. the. time. before they figure out how to climb up or down them. Granted, this window of time is super short so if you have a few steps (and I’m not talking about the companionway steps) fear not…but if you have the choice, a boat with a level interior will guarantee you hear fewer blood curdling screams from a tot that just took a tumble, not to mention give a little more surface to practice crawling or walking. Don’t get me wrong, your boat baby will take a ton of tumbles regardless – but if you want less, find a boat with less steps.

Vinyl cushions

Never in a million years would I have outfitted a boat with white vinyl cushions, but holy heck am I glad webought a boat with them. I cannot even IMAGINE what our cushions would look like if they were regular interior fabric because the amount of food, sauce, paint, marker, crayon, pen, playdoh, juice and you don’t even want to know what else I have wiped off is INSANE. Three toddlers are messy. Period. Our cushions not only clean up like a breeze, but make me more laid back about messes (and making them! which, mind you, goes against my very tidy nature but is great for kids) because, “It’s cool, kids! Don’t sweat that spilled paint! Look, we just wipe it right up!” I mean, I wash our cushions using the same spray cleaner I use for the counters. It. is. awesome. Would not want a baby boat without them.

Extra storage

We are definitely not minimalists, but we do try to limit what we bring on board. Even still, three kids equal a ton of crap. From booster chairs to books, from crafting supplies to clothes, from beach toys to building blocks – you will need a good place to keep it all. The more storage, the better. And if you can be well organized about it, even better. Organization on a boat is like golf, never mastered and a constant work in progress.

Two heads

This is one of the bonuses of a center cockpit boat. And whether or not you *think* you need an extra head they are sure nice to have because – ***spoiler alert*** – heads break down and people sometimes have to go “potty” at the same time. Toddlers, fyi, aren’t always great at holding it either and men, well…men tend to take their time. We love having two heads aboard and with a family of five, we’ve sung our extra head praise more than once, let me tell you!

Aft deck shower

Salt water and sand do not belong in the boat. They are a major pain in the butt if they infiltrate the interior so your mission, should you chose to accept it – is to keep it out. The best way to do this, short of avoiding beaches and salt water all together (not advisable!) is to do a fresh water rinse immediately when you return to the boat. Note that this favorable feature combines line items #2 (water tankage) and #4 (center cockpit). Being able to rinse off completely before we ever set foot in our cockpit is wonderful and definitely keeps salt and sand at bay. We keep a little bin full of our wash soap and shampoo on the aft deck and usually rinse off at least once, sometimes two or three times a day depending on our excursions.

So there you have the ten features we have found hugely beneficial to a boat with babies on board. It obviously goes without saying that these are things that we have found helpful and you might very have a different experience. We’ve seen families with children cruising on the most luxurious of catamarans with every gadget under the sun and we’ve seen families of five living aboard a simple thirty-two footer with as few systems as possible. It’s also worth noting that the baby and toddler stages of life are quick and fleeting, so whether or not your boat truly suits the baby stage might not be that important for you. Many of these features, however, will be enjoyed well past babyhood so keep that in mind. Either way, making sure you find a boat that works well for you and your family is the most important thing, so chose wisely. Fair winds!

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FOR ZIZOO BOATS.

Teaching a Toddler How to Swim: What Is Working for Us

"Wow, you're kids must be great swimmers!" We hear this a lot from people when they meet us and learn that we live on a sailboat with our young children. While our girls are only aged two and four - very respectable ages to remain reliant on floatation devices, mind you - in the live-aboard/cruising world, many children are skilled swimmers by these ages. Ours, however, were not. I was embarrassed to admit that, "No, none of our girls swim actually..."feeling a little pang of parental shame and longing for the day my girls could swim freely like many of their boat and island dwelling peers. Regardless, I knew not to push or force the issue, to let things happen on their own time and remained patient and vigilant about exposing them to swimming children and plenty of time in the water.

A few weeks ago I made the acquaintance of the lovely "Grannie Annie" who is something of a legend here on Tortola (her husband started the infamous Willy T floating bar over at Norman Island). She moved here in 1957 and has been a swim instructor for over 40 years, instructing hundreds and hundreds of children how to swim during her illustrious career.  Her entire family - right down to the grandkids - are lovely and they give back to the community in big ways. She oozes patience and kindness and is the kind of soul you are happy to know. Immediately drawn to her, we started talking and she said she'd love to help teach our girls to swim once a week when time and weather permitted. I was thrilled.

So far, we have had ONE lesson with the lovely Annie and I am super proud to say, we now have a swimmer! And once things clicked, it happened fast (we laid some good ground work, for sure). There are steps we took that expedited things, and I am going to share what we did and what worked for us (because I now wished we'd done some of them earlier). Keep in mind, I am not a child swim instructor and have zero professional knowledge on this subject. It's personal, not professional, experience. I share what we have done and learned (some of which came from Grannie Annie, who *is* a professional), simply to tell you what worked for us, and what might work for you. I realize there are many different methods and schools of thought regarding teaching kids to swim, so these may or may not jive with you. If you happen to be a professional swim instructor and have other tips to add, I welcome them! Please add in the comments so we all can learn. As with anything regarding children, use your own discretion and do your own research if you have questions.

Isla's first lesson with Annie, she started with a small back float and lost it within the hour.

Teaching a Toddler to Swim, Tricks that Have Worked For Us:

1.  Don't force it. Forcing kids to do things (like eat veggies, potty train, and wear the cute outfit grandma got them) usually doesn't bode well for anyone. As much as I'd loved to have had Isla swimming by age two, she simply was not interested. She loved the water, but hated (and I mean hated) getting her hair and face wet. We were patient and let her get comfortable very slowly. Bath time helped a lot with this, but she was still what I would call a "slow adopter". Every child is different. The twins, on the other hand, have no issue getting their heads and faces wet, blowing bubbles and going underwater, so they are much further ahead at age two than Isla was at their age. We concentrate as much as possible on having fun in the water and not making it torture. 
2.  Expose them to water as much - and as early - as possible. This is also a no-brainer, but a child who is never around water is probably not going to be super comfortable in it. Practice makes perfect. We are very lucky to live in a marina with a gorgeous pool that we can use freely, and we bring our girls there at least four times a week to swim and play. Don't have a pool? No problem. You can get over a lot of swimming hurdles (like getting hair and face wet, learning to blow bubbles, floating on tummy, etc) in a backyard baby pool or even a bathtub. 

   

   Watering cans and water toys in a tub can go a long way in getting kids comfortable in the water

3. Start them with simple tricks. As mentioned above, starting early with things like: getting your child comfortable getting his or her head and face wet (you can use a small cup, or one of those cups with holes in the bottom to create a shower effect), teaching them how to blow bubbles in the water, showing your child how to wipe water out of their eyes, and practicing the proper kicking position either using a pool noodle, floaties or a kickboard can go a long way in garnering the skills that lead to swimming. These little tricks will lay some solid groundwork to help set up your child for swimming success when they start lessons (either with you or an official program). Start simple and don't forget to make it FUN!
4. Get them a mask, goggles and/or a snorkel. When Isla was still in her puddle jumper, the introduction of a mask and snorkel really kick-started her efforts to learn to swim. The mask got her so much more excited about swimming, not to mention it naturally put her in the correct position in the water (prone on tummy, not straight up and down like so many children instinctively do when first starting). The mask and snorkel also greatly improved her kicking motion from the ineffective "bicycle" kick to the proper swim kick. We use these Aqua Sphere goggles for our girls, which are great for swimming. And we have this mask and snorkel set for Isla, which she loves and actually prefers over goggles. 

   

   The snorkel was a HUGE hit with Isla and she snorkeled months before she swam

5. Expose them to other kids swimming. There is no greater way to get a kid excited about doing something than to show him or her a friend or peer that is doing that same thing. When Isla would see her friends swimming in the pool without floatation aids, she would run up and ask when she could swim without them. Sometimes, a little peer pressure is a good thing. The fact that big sister is swimming now has Haven hot on her tail.
6. Start with puddle jumpers. I know that using floatation devices is frowned upon by many swim instructors, but for me - bringing three toddlers to the pool by myself would be impossible without them. These Puddle Jumpers really gave my girls confidence in the water and gave me some serious peace of mind.  Our girls love swimming in them and the freedom and independence they allow. While they are rated for 30-50 lbs, we actually had the twins swimming in these much earlier, about sixteen months and just made sure to keep a close eye so no little arms slipped out. These are also Coast Guard Certified as child floatation devices so they can double as life vests on the dock or during dinghy ride if need be (we still use a proper life vest when sailing). Keep in mind, having these floaties on your children doesn't mean you can leave your kids unattended (one arm out of the sling and they will no longer float properly), but you can relax a little more knowing your kids will swim easily and comfortably wearing these.
7. Move onto a progressive back float. We had some cruising friends visit us at the marina and their two (adorable) kids were the same ages as ours. Both their kids, however, could swim. "How?!" I asked, desperate. Hermione presented me with a progressive back float with four foam boards on it. The idea behind the float is three fold: 1) The kids must work to use them (do NOT take your eyes off the kids as this is a swim aid, NOT a floatation device) 2) They teach proper swimming positioning (on belly, not straight up and down) and 3) You can remove the foam boards one by one as your child gains confidence in the water. I ordered this brand and within two days Isla went from four floats to two. Haven, who started with four two weeks ago, is currently swimming two and well on her way to swimming unaided. Mira, our little 'lazy river' swimmer is happy as a clam to just float in the water in her puddle jumper still, and we're totally okay with that.

   

   Very proud of going from four floats to two. It was super easy and painless.
8. Add fins. This right here is the piece de resistance and we have Grannie Annie to thank for it. Never in a million years would I have thought to put my toddler in fins to help her swim, but Annie told me that they instinctively teach kids to kick properly (and not simply bicycle) in the water. I was apprehensive, but trusted her implicitly. Within one hour of wearing the fins and getting used to them, Isla was confidently swimming without a float. It was amazing. She is still using the fins, mind you, which in and of themselves are a form of assistance I guess, but she is swimming properly, with good form and gaining more and more confidence every day. Soon enough we will lose the fins, just as we have every other device - but for now, these were the magic bullet that made the most dramatic improvement. Granny Annie got Isla's fins from K-Mart in St. Thomas, but if I were to buy a pair I'd go for these well-reputed toddler fins.
9. Teach them to "zoom". Annie taught me this trick. What you do is hold your child under their arms alongside you near a wall or the stairs, somewhere they are comfortable and can easily stand or hold on, step a few feet away, and then "zoom" them - essentially glide by pushing through the water - back to where they can stand. This is how we got Isla swimming on her own. After three or four "zooms", she was good to go. The gliding feeling gave her the proper swimming sensation, and eventually she started kicking and swimming on her own. Note: this is a somewhat advanced technique and Isla protested a lot at first because it requires the parent or teach to let go of the child which can be scary for the child. But if we don't let go, how will they learn on their own? Eventually she got it. 

   

   The flippers that made the biggest difference of all!

Watching Isla learn to swim, and being a part of it every step of the way, has been one of the most incredible moments in parenthood for me thus far. "I am so proud of myself mommy!" she tells me. Obviously this particular skill is heavily weighted due to our lifestyle and the fact that being able to swim is not only a huge benefit to enjoying island/boat life, but also a means for survival, which is a huge relief. While we are certainly not at the point where I'd leave her in a pool unattended or take my eyes off her for any considerable length of time while she's in the water, she is getting stronger every day. We will continue her lessons with the infamous (and simply magical) "Granny Nanny Annie" and her skills will continue to improve. There is still much work to be done, but we turned a major corner over here and I hope our tips can help some of you to get your tots swimming!

A huge THANK YOU to the wonderful "Grannie Nanny Annie" who really helped us turn this corner. We are forever indebted to you! xo

"Aren't You Worried about Them Falling Overboard?" Real and Imagined Fears of Living Aboard with Three Toddlers

We live on a 44 foot sail boat with our three toddlers age four and under. Considering this living arrangement falls well outside the range of "normal" for most land-dwelling folks, we get a lot of questions. But no question do we field so much as: "Aren't you afraid of them falling overboard?!" While, yes, the fact that we are surrounded by water combined with the reality that not one of our three children can swim unaided yet falls in the "Big F***ing Deal" category, you might be surprised to learn that, no, we almost never worry about them falling off the boat.

(insert sound of record scratching)

Don't get me wrong, our kids going overboard is our greatest concern and, potentially, our worst nightmare. But "worry" about it? No. So...why? A few reasons, really: 1) They are constantly supervised by an adult when they are on deck, not to mention well contained by protective netting around our boat's perimeter and 2) the water is warm and clear here so if they did happen to fall in, particularly because they are always under close watch, one of us would be able to retrieve them in a matter of seconds. Would we worry about this more if we were living in the Arctic where you have only moments in the water before hypothermia sets in, or if we lived somewhere where water was brackish and murky? Probably. But here? Not so much. And finally, 3) our girls have grown up on and around boats. It's natural and normal to them. They know how to move and maneuver like little pros, and furthermore know the "rules" and don't climb the lifelines or venture to the 'off limits' area of our boat. We are very frank with our daughters and mince no words when it comes to their understanding of safety. We tell it like it is: "If you fall in the water, you will sink like a stone to the bottom of the ocean." Sure, that might sound a little harsh, but a healthy dose of fear has a very real place in this particular scenario. We don't worry about them falling overboard at anchor any more than we would worry about our boat suddenly springing a leak. Sure, it's possible. But it certainly doesn't keep us up at night.

Underway it's similar. Our girls are never more than four feet from a parent, usually in the cockpit with Scott and I, and always in their lifejackets. We are lucky to live in a cruising area where we don't see big seas or rough weather, and if weather is inclement you won't find us sailing. On nice days, I often venture on deck with the girls to have dance parties during a smooth passage and they love to be on in the open air, watching the water for dolphins and turtles and waving hello at other boats. While we still allow them a little freedom to explore, the rules are a more stringent underway because man overboard drills in even the most pleasant conditions can be challenging, particularly if you're retrieving a small child (if a child were to go in, I'd immediately jump in after her and Scott would bring the boat back, fyi). I have zero interest in ever experiencing this horror, so our #1 rule is to stay on the boat. Period. We don't climb the rigging. We don't run. If it's rough we do not leave the cockpit and no one is allowed on deck without a parent present. Our girls understand that they must maneuver carefully and use one hand for the boat and one hand for themselves while the boat is underway. If we move between the bow of the boat and the cockpit I usually walk with them while the other two are seated securely on deck holding on to hand rails. "Always hold on," I remind them sternly. "You must always be holding on to the boat when we are moving." And they do. We are cautious, calculated and careful, but worried about them going overboard? Not really.

So where do we get a little fearful? Where does worry come into play?

Three words: At the dock.

A dock gives off false security and makes many of us feel okay because - hey, it's a dock! It's stable and safe and people and boats are around! But, no. All it would take is for one child to get out of my view and run off (it doesn't take long, believe me) and the repercussions could be disastrous. Keeping tabs on three (very active and curious) children is not always easy. While the marina does provide some security in that we have a whole community of people who watch after our girls from afar and more than once I have had a friend help me capture a runaway child, it's more of a perk and not something I count on. I am cautious and constantly doing the 'head count' if they are walking free (I am not to the point of leashes yet, but holy crap I'm close!) There are serious hazards on docks; a child might trip over a hose, a cleat or a line and fall in unnoticed, might try to balance or climb up a piling and slip over. She might see something in the water and try to reach it and topple in. Or maybe try to board a boat and misjudge the step. Any of these situations could be compounded by a good knock on the head during a tumble, rendering her unconscious and in the water... I could go on and on with scenarios but the bottom line is: these are potentially life and death situations. These are things we don't mess around with. These are the thoughts that, if I let them, keep me awake at night.

Because of these very real dangers, we have a strict lifejacket rule when on the dock and unless our girls are attached to our person or in their stroller , they are (almost always) in life jackets when walking around. Because they are so used to the rule, they often put them on themselves and with little protest. It's normal and understood. Other marina rules? They are never allowed to get on or off a boat without adult help or supervision. If we want to look at something in the water, we lie on our bellies to do so (it's much harder to fall head first into the water from a laying position than from a kneeling one). When running we keep a healthy distance from the edge so a normal trip doesn't turn into a swim. These rules were drilled into my head like "please" and "thank you" when I was a cruising kid and I've passed them onto our children. With these few safety measures in place, we certainly feel better, but I'd be lying if I said there was zero worry. It's amplified because I am chasing around three kids, usually by myself, two of whom are twins with a penchant for running in opposite directions just to mess with me - so I am always on high alert. When they run around with their lifejackets on? I worry less. WAY less. In fact, I'm pretty laid back about their wanderings as long as I can see them and know they will float. "Oh, they're so close to the water!" someone will tell me with concern in their voice, "Aren't you afraid they'll fall in?" they ask. "If they do," I start, "They will float and they certainly won't do it again!" The onlookers don't typically share my cavalier attitude and laugh nervously as they pass. But my thinking is this: worst case scenario, one of my girls falls in and gets a good scare. I fish them out (no doubt in front of a large gasping audience whispering #momoftheyear), give them a cuddle and we carry on with our day after a good rinse and change of clothes. Of course I don't want this to happen, but I'm all about kids exploring and learning natural consequences as long as the consequences aren't dire. If my girls are wearing life jackets, my worry is almost nil. Almost.

***

We take the safety of our children very, very seriously and I'm doing risk analysis while watching my kids play a hundred times a day. Bad things can happen. Accidents happen. We know that. Risks are everywhere on both land and sea. We do not, however, let a fear of "what if" rule our life. If that was the attitude we maintained, we'd never have left on a sailboat in the first place. For the most part, we let our kids be kids and give them a long leash to explore their capabilities and the world around them. Our girls climb up our mast and hang out on the boom. They swing from trees with ropes. They scale walls, climb like monkeys and run with hopeless abandon. Sure, they have the bumps, scrapes and bruises to prove it, but it's pure fact that humans learn by doing and so - with some simple rules in place and supervision from afar - we let them do. Our parenting style is to teach rather than dissuade, to empower rather than frighten. We do this, in part, by managing our own worry. Our goal - like most parents - is to raise happy, independent, confident children who trust the power of their bodies and minds, and who have a healthy respect for - but are not afraid of - the world around them. So, sure, like every parent - we worry. We worry about a million things like their happiness, health and success in life...But we don't really worry about them falling off the boat.

Sailing; in lifejackets (always) and one hand for the boat, one hand for themselves.

Always on our bellies to look at the water (Thank you Cindy W. for this tip!!)

When we're dock walkin', we are wearing life jackets. (and going opposite ways)

Practicing climbing, problem-solving, and balance. 

Looking out over the water, our fender was on the deck but usually they are never leaning over life lines.

I rigged up a line from the mast to the bow and it provided a TON of entertainment.  

When sailing on a nice day, this is how you will usually find the girls and I. 

Expat Troubles and Immigration Woes: Time to Flee the Country!

"The kids' visa extensions were denied," Scott texted me while I was sitting at the beach, peacefully collecting shells with the girls. "We need to leave in twenty-four hours." "Shit" I replied. This is not the kind of text that one wants to receive when living as an expatriate on a small island. The word "denied" stung like a personal affront. Had they no heart!? Didn't they realize these were *toddlers* we were talking about?! My phone pinged again: "We'll have to stay for a few days. Should we ferry to St. Thomas or do you want to take the boat?" It took me exactly .02 seconds to respond with: "Sail." Staying in a single hotel room with three kids three and under for three days on a neighboring island, to some, might sound like a nice little vacation. To me? That sounds like the tenth circle of hell. But let me back up and explain...

Scott and I are legal residents of the British Virgin Islands (for a year anyway, we must file for renewal annually which - we are told - is not *too* painful of a process). Our girls, however, have been living here on tourist visas because we were awaiting the government's approval on their status as our "dependents". This small title change would allow them to be residents as well, but not until we got that coveted approval. The confirmation that they were accepted as "dependents" came through a couple of weeks ago at which point we were granted two weeks to take them out of the county, do some medical tests and return. I can’t really explain the reasoning behind the fact that we must leave the island to do these things that could easily be done here, but it’s the rule and if there is one thing you must know about life as an expat on a small island it is this: There is very precise protocol that must be followed when it comes to any governmental procedure (immigration/work permits/residency etc.) Not following these formalities *exactly*  and *perfectly* will project you into a Groundhog Day-like loop of red-tape madness, endless immigration lines, and mind-numbing levels of frustration. So we don't ask questions. We just do what we are told. Side Note: following government protocol "exactly and perfectly" is pretty much impossible since it changes with the wind, so the aforementioned is almost a guarantee. Be warned. 


When that two weeks was up and we still hadn't left the country to get our t's crossed and i's dotted by the powers that be (mainly because Scott works every. single. day.), Scott donned his Sunday best and headed to immigration to see if they would grant us an extension. Having government do you a "favor" down here is not unheard of, but something of a crap shoot. Or Russian roulette. Okay, maybe a small miracle; like witnessing a deer give birth to twins in your back yard or something. Not impossible, but not an everyday sort of occurrence. And this time was no different. We got a big, fat: DENIED and were given 24 hours to leave the territory. Hence: Operation Flee Country.

Point for living in a home that moves and for a US island a mere four hour sail away!

The logistics of packing up three small kids, sailing to a neighboring island, and coordinating a medical test might not sound like much, but given that we run a very busy business and covering Scott's duties as well as timing medical results so that he could return to work ASAP was...tricky. As far as what needed to happen while we were gone, the twins needed simply to leave and come back, but Isla needed a medical exam to ensure she wasn't bringing diseases (typically reserved for 18th century prostitutes) into the territory. The tests were simple enough, but results would take a few days and we weren't allowed back in without them. In a desperate pinch, Scott found trusted people to fill in for him while we were away, and we were told we'd have the results we needed by Friday so he could return to work Sunday morning. The successful completion of this sequence of events was far from impossible, but certainly aggressive. Given that Murphy's Law prevails down here, combined with the "island time" phenomenon, meant the possibility of hiccups was high. The fact that we were traveling with three small children did nothing to ease the situation. Kids - while wonderful, mind-blowing and cute - complicate things.


We, along with our friends the Sunkissed Soeters, decided to leave at 4:30am with the hopes of arriving in daylight when our kids would be waking up. From there we would go ashore, clear in with customs (as one must do when they move from country to country), head to the various medical clinics we needed to visit (there were two), and call it a day. Sounds simple enough, right?


Except that when we started our engine at 4:30am, Haven woke up in a panic of epic proportions which, in turn, woke up Isla and Mira. I helped Scott get us off the dock and went below to try, unsuccessfully, to calm them all back to sleep. Have you ever tried to calm two wailing babies by yourself? It's difficult at best. Isla tried to help, but her presence only excited them. They would have none of it and were much more interested in a cuddle fest in the aft cabin. It was going to be a long day.


We arrived in Red Hook as the sun was coming up and our kids were coming unglued. Scott and I were positively exhausted, but time was of the essence and we needed to get to "Doctors on Duty" ASAP. We dinghied ashore with the Soeters, grabbed some breakfast and some desperately-needed coffee, and after unsuccessfully trying to rent a car for nearly an hour, decided to cut our losses and hop in a taxi. One thing that is a huge pain in the butt for cruisers with small children traveling to the United States Virgin Islands is that everyone aboard must be present to clear in (as opposed to just the captain) which means we ALL had to go ashore (Note for those 'in the know': yes, we are members of the SVRS but we forgot to file a float plan. Won't forget that again!) This was going to not only be a day that began at 4:30am for our normal 7am-ers, but one in which they skipped their coveted two-plus hour midday naps. Oh joy! Wigged-out, poorly-rested, two year old twins are NOT for the faint of heart, I tell you. I prepared for battle with an impressive arsenal of toys, snacks aplenty and took a double dose of patience.

By the time we had cleared in, visited the two medical clinics we needed to visit, and return to Red Hook, it was 5pm. Over *twelve* hours after our day began. That is a lot to ask of little children! While there were some definite meltdowns, lots of deep breathing on my part and a couple of moments where I had to extricate the twins from situations due to toddler anarchy, I was - overall - so pleased with how our kids held up. The twins sat in our (amazing, life-saving) tandem umbrella stroller most of the day, and that is no fun for very active two year olds. Isla was a gem, with her only real low point being the fit she threw when a nurse came at her with a needle to give her the test shot for tuberculosis. All in all, the day was a success, albeit incredibly long. To celebrate, Scott and I took the girls to an early dinner at Molly Malones in Red Hook where they continued to run around like giggling heathens and mommy and daddy enjoyed some (well deserved) rum drinks. We ended up back to the boat around 6pm, showered everyone up on the aft deck and the girls and I were fast asleep by 7:30.


With the "business end" of our trip over, we could finally relax, get our darlings back on their normal sleep schedules and simply enjoy being on the water, at anchor (which is bliss, by the way). What had initially begun as a very hectic, stressful and forced trip turned out to be a nice little vacation where we were able to enjoy dinners out with friends new and old, meet up (and party a little too hard) with fellow cruisers who are like kindred spirits, and enjoy the vast bounty of American products and services that St. Thomas has to offer (it felt very much like Florida to us; there's McDonalds, K-Mart, Home Depot, Walgreens, Subway, surf shops galore and even a Cost-u-Less, which is a Costco equivalent!) It was like being in the land of plenty compared to where we live in the British Virgin Islands. We took advantage of the plentitude and, truth be told, it was nice.


The mission was a success, and while we thoroughly enjoyed the time away and the mini-vacation, it was a welcome treat to sail back to our adopted little island of Tortola where the roosters wake us up, where there's not a big box store or chain restaurant in site, and where our girls will finally, hopefully, no longer be tourists.

At least for a year.

Almost  in Red Hook and ready to set the anchor. Tired kiddos.

This child is a gem to travel with. Three years old and fully adaptable and ready for adventure!

Very, very tired daddy.

Sunrise from our boat, anchored in Red Hook, St. Thomas USVI

Customs

This is what two families and five kids look like in a customs office. This is where the twins were falling apart.

They have *NEVER* napped in a stroller. Mainly because they never have to, but this time - they did! I would be lost without this stroller!

Dinner time shenanigans. We eat out very early when no one else is around so our girls can run around and be kids.

"Thank God I have a job I can do from anywhere!" Minus the captain part, of course. Here's Scott taking MORE bookings.

Dinghying back home after a very, VERY long day. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

Bright-eyed and bushy tailed the next morning. Isla loves waving to passing boats. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

My little sweat pea, Mira. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

This was our neighbor. 7am, pipe in mouth, reclined and reading a paperback as the sun warmed up. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

I honestly love that our home is the best jungle gym our kids could ever want. They love nothing more than being on deck.

Mira, mastering a new move. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

This child is part monkey, I tell you! Super coordinated and strong.Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

Putting our dingy in the water with daddy. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

Lowering the dingy in the water. A little lesson in physics. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

Absolutely LOVE our Sailor Bags Back Pack and our Turkish Bath Towels. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

Pippy Longstocking looking on. Red Hook, St. Thomas, USVI

When we got our test results, we decided to sail over to St. John for a change and to break up the upwind sail home.

Sailing for 2-3 hours with these girls these days is a pleasure. We sit on deck and talk, sing songs, and watch the ocean.

Sunset in St. John. It was an early night for all of us. Still catching up on sleep! Maho Bay, St. John, USVI

Mommy made pancakes and sausage the next morning. We love to eat in the cockpit with the breeze in our hair! Maho Bay, St. John, USVI

Seriously, if I loved our three girls any more I might explode. For real. It's impossible to love any more. Maho Bay, St. John, USVI

I rigged up a new line from the bow to the mast for the girls to swing on. It was a big hit. Maho Bay, St. John, USVI

We set sail for Tortola after breakfast. Sir Francis Drake Channel, BVI

This child. Sigh. She is a force. A delightful and joyful one though! Sir Francis Drake Channel, BVI

My little mermaids. Adore them. Sir Francis Drake Channel, BVI

Mira and daddy, enjoying the sail home. Sir Francis Drake Channel, BVI

Home, sweet home. Back at our beloved home port of Nanny Cay, Tortola BVI.