Island Life: The Good, Bad, and Quirky

The "idea" of living on an island evokes a bit of envy and turquoise tinted mental pictures for a lot of people. But just like most things, the 'idea' of something and the 'reality' of it can be very, very different. While I will be the first to tell you that I absolutely love my island home and island life in general, there's a lot more to it than beautiful beaches, tropical slushy rum drinks and cotton-candy colored sunsets (though we do have those things in spades!)...I've written before about >>> how to determine whether or not island life might be for you <<< , but just for fun, here' are some ways that island life on my rock is very different from life back stateside...


1) Lack of abundance: There are no malls, no big box stores, and our grocery stores pale in comparison to those back home. Finding affordable quinoa or natural peanut butter is very difficult and there is less of just about everything on a small island. We island mom's talk excitedly in dreamy, coveting tones about Whole Foods or Trader Joes the way other mom's might gush over that 50 Shades trilogy (...that I have not read). The prospect of shelves upon shelves of organic, wholesome goodness is that exciting for us. Clothes? Again, limited choices unless you dress like a 26 year old from San Diego (which I do). Household goods? Not many options for good, quality stuff but lots of plastic crap from China marked to about triple what it should cost. Life on our rock is expensive because of this but it's the price we pay because what we do we have an abundance of? Beaches, boats and bars. Not a bad trade.

2) Kids wear school uniforms: Here, every single school child wears a uniform. Period. IT. IS. AWESOME. Can someone please explain to me why the United States has not adopted this practice?!?! Dear GOD! Getting my kids dressed in decent, practical clothing is easily one of the most unpleasant parts of my day (they either want to wear completely ridiculous things like socks and leggings to the beach or underware on their head with a princess dress to dinner - which I let them most of the time - or they (Mira) want to wear the same exact ratty, dirty, threadbare thing every. single. day). I can only imagine that this fortitude and pension for 'style' gets more awful determined as we near the teen years (face palm) but, honestly, my uber independent daughters dress themselves and it drives me nuts. School uniforms save me just a little bit of headache and a hell of a lot more time on school days. Plus, they look pretty adorable. AMEN for school uniforms. I dread ever living somewhere without them.

3) Rules are more lax: I have seen numerous signs around Tortola that say you are not allowed to smoke in public places. I have also seen more smokers on this island than I have seen since my pre-smoking ban bar days in Chicago. There is a "strict" helmet law, yet only one out of every four motor scooter drivers is wearing a helmet. And good LORD do not start me on parking. A parking lot here looks like a mini glimpse into the collapse of society. Full-blown anarchy. Every man for himself. When it says "no parking", people will freely park. Even better, if you are parked in a perfectly legal spot, it is not unusual for someone to park right in front of you, blocking you in completely for anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. This incredibly selfish practice is not only commonplace, but pretty infuriating to all residents, and yet nothing is ever done about it. Why? I have yet to see a tow truck or a car ticketed for this. No consequences? Behavior remains the same. Sigh.

4) Livestock roams free: You will not see one single squirrel here on Tortola, but a drive to town or up on the ridge road will present you with a whole host of farm animals. Chickens run free all over the place, goats regularly hold up traffic, and driving by a cow lounging on the side of the road with her calf is no big deal. Donkeys and horses used to be the main mode of transport around here until fairly recent history so you will see plenty of those as well, though their physical states might make you shudder...which brings me to my next point...

5) Animal cruelty and brutality is everywhere: Treatment of animals here is atrocious. Period. I'm not one to hate on my rock, because I love it here so very much, but animal cruelty and abuse is rampant and if you are a true-blue animal lover, you will probably have your heart broken daily here. I don't even want to tell some of the stories I have heard but suffice it to say: it's really bad.

6) You can drink while driving: Yes, you read that correctly. While you technically cannot drive 'drunk' (see #3), driving with an open alcoholic bev in the car is totally acceptable. Do not talk on the phone or skimp on clicking your seat belt, but go ahead and fix yourself that rum and coke before you hit the road. Welcome to the land of the roadie my friends, it's a nice place to be.

7) Drivers and Roads are Insane: Let me preface this by saying that I have been pulled over for "driving with intent to kill" (no, I was not, it's actually a classification after going over the speed limit a certain amount), ticketed for "reckless driving" and I had my license suspended for a year. I spent many years weaving in and out of traffic in the city of Chicago where I gained some legit "aggressive driving" chops. My point in telling you all this? I AM NO GRANDMA BEHIND THE WHEEL. But here? I literally get road rage several times a day because the drivers here are the very worst I've ever experienced in all the world (and I've driven in Rome, Bangkok and East Africa, to name a few). They are careless and downright terrifying. They fly around blind corners at mock speeds, pass on narrow roads, and play chicken daily. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to avoid what would have been terrible accidents had it not been for me swerving out of the way or breaking suddenly. The roads are just as bad: barely wide enough for two cars to safely pass, featuring hair-pin turns that make your hair curl and hills that are so steep they make your feet and palms sweat. Island driving is not for the faint of heart.

8) Hitch Hiking is normal: Hitch hiking is not only normal, but the way many islanders rely on getting from point A to point B. For one, there is no public transportation here (gripe alert!), which is a real bummer. And secondly, cars are not affordable to everyone and many people don't know how to drive, so every drive on our rock will having you passing hitchhikers standing on the side of the road, casually pointing a finger in the direction they want to go. I have picked up children on their way to school, women on their way home from work, and men headed to their jobs. It's a fun way to get to know people and I've heard some incredible stories from hitchhikers. I also think it's showing my girls an important lesson in kindness, as more often than not they are in the car with me when I pick up people.

9) Village Mentality of Islanders: Living on our particular island is not unlike living in a small town. Most everyone knows one another in some, way, shape, or form and a trip to just about anywhere will have you running into someone you know. Being anonymous here is not really an option. Because of this, there is very much a "village" mentality when you live on a small island, we tend to stick together to help one another out. We are all in a similar boat (no pun intended) and whether it be mom's helping out other mom's or simply picking up a hitchhiker as described in #8, we are all part of this community and we all want to see it be the best it can be.

10) Kids are more free-range: I've talked about how I tend to >>> lean more in the direction of "free-range"<<<  as opposed to helicopter parent and I realize this is largely due to the fact that we live in a very safe community where this is easily done. Kids hitchhike to school, it's not unusual to see an older sibling caring for his or her baby sibling, and young kids running free on the beach with their parent keeping a safe distance is very, very normal. Our girls skinny dip regularly, kick off their shoes at every chance they get, and are full of bumps, scrapes and bruises from being outside every day. Our community is relatively small and we all know one another so there are many sets of eyes on our children. I feel really lucky to be able to give our kids the freedom they want and need and the ability to do this is a large reason we chose to live where we do. I've had a lot of conversations with other parents who child-rear in a similar way and agree that we live in a very special place where times are simpler, where kids can be kids, and where there is no need >>> or social pressure <<< to helicopter.

11) Very little to do outside of beaches, boats, and bars: A certain type of person might find themselves very bored living here full time (pretty much everyone >>> loves to vacation here <<<). There are not many restaurants, no winery tours, no theater district, no dance clubs, few coffee shops, no indoor play lands, no malls, no theme parks, no museums and - in general - outside of nature and outdoorsy stuff related to all things water, there's really not much to do here. Taking a stroll 'downtown' is not something that yields much of anything and if you don't enjoy beaches, boats, bars and water sports you might find this place a bit of a yawnfest. Many of us, however, chose to live here in spite of this and actually enjoy the sleepiness of our rock: there's less distraction and fewer things pulling us every which way. You can relax and unplug here. The focus is more on making simple fun with your community; picnics on the beach with friends, dinners at people's homes, and DIY parties...Though, not going to lie, I'd really love there to be a dance club here where I could go with my girlfriends!

Those are just a few of the ways living on my rock differs from living back on the mainland. Some are weird and funny, some are frustrating and sad, but it's all part of the reality of #islandlife.

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A Special Day in Trellis Bay: An Artist Community and A Magic Morning

We don't get to East End, home of the eccentric and eclectic Trellis Bay, often. For one thing, it's quite a drive - which I realize is laughable on an island that measures twelve miles by three - but as the car drives, it's a solid 30-40 minutes one way. With three little kids, and a mid-day nap that I will only forego for extremely special occasions - it's hard to justify an hour or more commute for an hour or two of fun. But when our friend, Cem (pronounced "Jem", like the jewel) invited us to see a special artist friend of his, I thought, "Why not!"

Island Explorers: Perks of Fast Boats and Island Hopping

We recently purchased what I like to call a "fast boat." It took more than a little convincing for me to co-sign on the deal. I mean, we did just buy and take over a day charter business that will take a few years to pay off, and - call me conservative - but the idea of taking the proceeds of this successful season and dumping almost all of it into another boat was not exactly appealing to me. After explaining all the business advantages and a well-executed cost/benefit analysis full of numbers and technical terms, Scott went for the jugular and started speaking my language: "We can use it for our family, too" he persuaded, "...think of all the places we can go when we can't take out the big boat..." He saw my facial expression change and let this idea sink in. The wheels began to turn and suddenly this boat wasn't looking so daunting. Scott had a vision and I'm an easy sell, so a week later Aristocat Charters had a power boat in it's fleet. While the boat is technically for the business, it's also turned into another family car of sorts and has opened up a world of possibility and fun for us.

One of the reasons we love the BVI's so much is the fact that there are so many islands so close together to explore. No need for rough passages or overnight sails to make another landfall - islands are simply a few hours away....unless you have a fast boat. If you have a fast boat, they are fifteen to forty minutes away. This, my friends, is a game changer. Now, when Scott has a morning or afternoon to spare, we can zip on over to a neighboring island, enjoy the beach, perhaps some lunch or dinner, and be home for naps or bedtime. Island living is largely enjoyed on and from the water, so to have another mode of water transport ups the ante on the fun factor. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing like taking "the house" (aka our sailboat) out for a weekend at anchor, but that is not always feasible for us while running a business. The fast boat is the next best thing and the fact that it will hopefully pay for itself in a year makes it a win/win.

So when our good friends and neighbors suggested a little zip over to Peter Island to do a little hike and check out some ruins, we jumped at the chance. We packed a cooler full of drinks and beer, grabbed some snacks and away we went. Twenty minutes later we were tied up in beautiful Little Harbor and started exploring...

Our view once we tied up. It's summer now, and HOT, so sometimes the cloud cover is a welcome change!

Claudia and Ted (and their two kids) are our neighbors, we love them and love that they love our girls. Yes, we "hike" in flip flops and with beer.

These ruins were so beautiful, apparently it used to be a plantation and then a hotel, but it's not very clear...

We even found a goat skull up there, the girls were fascinated. And skeptical...

Yeah, sometimes we wear our jammies all day long. 

Our three little monkeys looking at what we figure was an old dining room. Love this image.

How beautiful is this old tile work? 

My favorite pic of the day. What we all guessed was the old dining room.

So many beautiful flowers blooming right now. 

The porch area

More tile work and - what's that? A real PIRATE TREASURE! The highlight for sure. It's a Geocache ;) 

Claudia and Isla sorting through the treasures of pirates before us.

The girls loved it - and the best treasure? Bug spray!! There were SO many mosquitos up there!

An old bathroom. 

The old kitchen

These strange little bugs are EVERYWHERE. The girls love to watch them. They are usually attached to each other. 

Sometimes you just gotta tuck and run with them. Hiking with us is not efficient, but...interesting!

Thanks for a great day Little Harbor! We'll be back!

Teaching a Toddler How to Swim: What Is Working for Us

"Wow, you're kids must be great swimmers!" We hear this a lot from people when they meet us and learn that we live on a sailboat with our young children. While our girls are only aged two and four - very respectable ages to remain reliant on floatation devices, mind you - in the live-aboard/cruising world, many children are skilled swimmers by these ages. Ours, however, were not. I was embarrassed to admit that, "No, none of our girls swim actually..."feeling a little pang of parental shame and longing for the day my girls could swim freely like many of their boat and island dwelling peers. Regardless, I knew not to push or force the issue, to let things happen on their own time and remained patient and vigilant about exposing them to swimming children and plenty of time in the water.

A few weeks ago I made the acquaintance of the lovely "Grannie Annie" who is something of a legend here on Tortola (her husband started the infamous Willy T floating bar over at Norman Island). She moved here in 1957 and has been a swim instructor for over 40 years, instructing hundreds and hundreds of children how to swim during her illustrious career.  Her entire family - right down to the grandkids - are lovely and they give back to the community in big ways. She oozes patience and kindness and is the kind of soul you are happy to know. Immediately drawn to her, we started talking and she said she'd love to help teach our girls to swim once a week when time and weather permitted. I was thrilled.

So far, we have had ONE lesson with the lovely Annie and I am super proud to say, we now have a swimmer! And once things clicked, it happened fast (we laid some good ground work, for sure). There are steps we took that expedited things, and I am going to share what we did and what worked for us (because I now wished we'd done some of them earlier). Keep in mind, I am not a child swim instructor and have zero professional knowledge on this subject. It's personal, not professional, experience. I share what we have done and learned (some of which came from Grannie Annie, who *is* a professional), simply to tell you what worked for us, and what might work for you. I realize there are many different methods and schools of thought regarding teaching kids to swim, so these may or may not jive with you. If you happen to be a professional swim instructor and have other tips to add, I welcome them! Please add in the comments so we all can learn. As with anything regarding children, use your own discretion and do your own research if you have questions.

Isla's first lesson with Annie, she started with a small back float and lost it within the hour.

Teaching a Toddler to Swim, Tricks that Have Worked For Us:

1.  Don't force it. Forcing kids to do things (like eat veggies, potty train, and wear the cute outfit grandma got them) usually doesn't bode well for anyone. As much as I'd loved to have had Isla swimming by age two, she simply was not interested. She loved the water, but hated (and I mean hated) getting her hair and face wet. We were patient and let her get comfortable very slowly. Bath time helped a lot with this, but she was still what I would call a "slow adopter". Every child is different. The twins, on the other hand, have no issue getting their heads and faces wet, blowing bubbles and going underwater, so they are much further ahead at age two than Isla was at their age. We concentrate as much as possible on having fun in the water and not making it torture. 
2.  Expose them to water as much - and as early - as possible. This is also a no-brainer, but a child who is never around water is probably not going to be super comfortable in it. Practice makes perfect. We are very lucky to live in a marina with a gorgeous pool that we can use freely, and we bring our girls there at least four times a week to swim and play. Don't have a pool? No problem. You can get over a lot of swimming hurdles (like getting hair and face wet, learning to blow bubbles, floating on tummy, etc) in a backyard baby pool or even a bathtub. 

   

   Watering cans and water toys in a tub can go a long way in getting kids comfortable in the water

3. Start them with simple tricks. As mentioned above, starting early with things like: getting your child comfortable getting his or her head and face wet (you can use a small cup, or one of those cups with holes in the bottom to create a shower effect), teaching them how to blow bubbles in the water, showing your child how to wipe water out of their eyes, and practicing the proper kicking position either using a pool noodle, floaties or a kickboard can go a long way in garnering the skills that lead to swimming. These little tricks will lay some solid groundwork to help set up your child for swimming success when they start lessons (either with you or an official program). Start simple and don't forget to make it FUN!
4. Get them a mask, goggles and/or a snorkel. When Isla was still in her puddle jumper, the introduction of a mask and snorkel really kick-started her efforts to learn to swim. The mask got her so much more excited about swimming, not to mention it naturally put her in the correct position in the water (prone on tummy, not straight up and down like so many children instinctively do when first starting). The mask and snorkel also greatly improved her kicking motion from the ineffective "bicycle" kick to the proper swim kick. We use these Aqua Sphere goggles for our girls, which are great for swimming. And we have this mask and snorkel set for Isla, which she loves and actually prefers over goggles. 

   

   The snorkel was a HUGE hit with Isla and she snorkeled months before she swam

5. Expose them to other kids swimming. There is no greater way to get a kid excited about doing something than to show him or her a friend or peer that is doing that same thing. When Isla would see her friends swimming in the pool without floatation aids, she would run up and ask when she could swim without them. Sometimes, a little peer pressure is a good thing. The fact that big sister is swimming now has Haven hot on her tail.
6. Start with puddle jumpers. I know that using floatation devices is frowned upon by many swim instructors, but for me - bringing three toddlers to the pool by myself would be impossible without them. These Puddle Jumpers really gave my girls confidence in the water and gave me some serious peace of mind.  Our girls love swimming in them and the freedom and independence they allow. While they are rated for 30-50 lbs, we actually had the twins swimming in these much earlier, about sixteen months and just made sure to keep a close eye so no little arms slipped out. These are also Coast Guard Certified as child floatation devices so they can double as life vests on the dock or during dinghy ride if need be (we still use a proper life vest when sailing). Keep in mind, having these floaties on your children doesn't mean you can leave your kids unattended (one arm out of the sling and they will no longer float properly), but you can relax a little more knowing your kids will swim easily and comfortably wearing these.
7. Move onto a progressive back float. We had some cruising friends visit us at the marina and their two (adorable) kids were the same ages as ours. Both their kids, however, could swim. "How?!" I asked, desperate. Hermione presented me with a progressive back float with four foam boards on it. The idea behind the float is three fold: 1) The kids must work to use them (do NOT take your eyes off the kids as this is a swim aid, NOT a floatation device) 2) They teach proper swimming positioning (on belly, not straight up and down) and 3) You can remove the foam boards one by one as your child gains confidence in the water. I ordered this brand and within two days Isla went from four floats to two. Haven, who started with four two weeks ago, is currently swimming two and well on her way to swimming unaided. Mira, our little 'lazy river' swimmer is happy as a clam to just float in the water in her puddle jumper still, and we're totally okay with that.

   

   Very proud of going from four floats to two. It was super easy and painless.
8. Add fins. This right here is the piece de resistance and we have Grannie Annie to thank for it. Never in a million years would I have thought to put my toddler in fins to help her swim, but Annie told me that they instinctively teach kids to kick properly (and not simply bicycle) in the water. I was apprehensive, but trusted her implicitly. Within one hour of wearing the fins and getting used to them, Isla was confidently swimming without a float. It was amazing. She is still using the fins, mind you, which in and of themselves are a form of assistance I guess, but she is swimming properly, with good form and gaining more and more confidence every day. Soon enough we will lose the fins, just as we have every other device - but for now, these were the magic bullet that made the most dramatic improvement. Granny Annie got Isla's fins from K-Mart in St. Thomas, but if I were to buy a pair I'd go for these well-reputed toddler fins.
9. Teach them to "zoom". Annie taught me this trick. What you do is hold your child under their arms alongside you near a wall or the stairs, somewhere they are comfortable and can easily stand or hold on, step a few feet away, and then "zoom" them - essentially glide by pushing through the water - back to where they can stand. This is how we got Isla swimming on her own. After three or four "zooms", she was good to go. The gliding feeling gave her the proper swimming sensation, and eventually she started kicking and swimming on her own. Note: this is a somewhat advanced technique and Isla protested a lot at first because it requires the parent or teach to let go of the child which can be scary for the child. But if we don't let go, how will they learn on their own? Eventually she got it. 

   

   The flippers that made the biggest difference of all!

Watching Isla learn to swim, and being a part of it every step of the way, has been one of the most incredible moments in parenthood for me thus far. "I am so proud of myself mommy!" she tells me. Obviously this particular skill is heavily weighted due to our lifestyle and the fact that being able to swim is not only a huge benefit to enjoying island/boat life, but also a means for survival, which is a huge relief. While we are certainly not at the point where I'd leave her in a pool unattended or take my eyes off her for any considerable length of time while she's in the water, she is getting stronger every day. We will continue her lessons with the infamous (and simply magical) "Granny Nanny Annie" and her skills will continue to improve. There is still much work to be done, but we turned a major corner over here and I hope our tips can help some of you to get your tots swimming!

A huge THANK YOU to the wonderful "Grannie Nanny Annie" who really helped us turn this corner. We are forever indebted to you! xo

Isla Turns Four: An Island Party fit for a Princess

Isla turned four on the last day of March. She reminds me daily of this fact and believes wholeheartedly that this magical number makes her a "big girl." I appease her, of course, because being proud of growing up is something I wish for her, but I silently cling to the toddler traits that linger; the dimply hands, the perfectly round tush, her sing-song bell of a voice, her chubby (but thinning) cheeks...so while she fancies herself something of a "big girl", I still look at her beautiful, brown, soulful eyes and see my little baby.

What can I say about our Isla? She is strong, smart, loving, kind, cautious, wise and brave. Her sense of humor is awesome and she lives to make people laugh. Her smile lights up a room. Her mind is a veritable sponge of wonder, curiosity and intrigue. She is absolutely brilliant, a total goof ball and full of personality. She shines bright with her giggles and makes friends wherever she goes. She is an amazing big sister to the twins (well, most of the time!) and makes our lives better in every conceivable way. She is full of joy and so. much. fun. Of course she can be stubborn, willful and possesses the persistence of a hungry used car salesman...after all, she is four. But these things go with the territory of raising a fiercely independent, strong female so I will take it. There are no words that can adequately relay the adoration we have for this little ray of sunshine, but we love her to the moon and back (a million times) and watching her grow is nothing short of a pleasure. Every single day I learn from this child, she has been my greatest teacher.

***

I put slightly more effort into her birthday party than I did for the twins. She is now at an age where a birthday matters, at least a little. And I wanted her to feel very special on her day. Of course a beach party was in order...while I did start 'planning' earlier, I stuck with my method of keeping it simple. We invited all her "neighborhood" friends, pre-ordered a couple extra-large trays of pizza, Scott arranged for a special "Elsa" princess cake and we staked out a picnic table on the beach. Of course the beach bar was slinging beers for the adults. What's a party without beverages for the adults, right?

Our very good friends from s/v Necesse made the trip over from St. Thomas to spend four days with us which was definitely a birthday highlight for both Isla and I. Not only is Genevieve one of my very best friends, but her youngest, Ellia, and Isla are only a week apart in age and shared their first birthday's together in the Bahamas. We've been crossing paths with them ever since and every time it is a pleasure to get our kids together (more so now because they fight so much less!) and continue making memories. We adore the Stolz's, and it was very special that they made the effort to come in to spend time with us. Thank you guys!

***

As it turns out, her birthday also coincided with the BVI Spring Regatta and Sailing Festival which is a week of partying and racing that happens each year here at Nanny Cay. I wasn't so sure how it was going to work out with our party merging on the beach with the after party, but as luck would have it - Isla's birthday celebration happened just before the race festivities started, and as we began to wrap up our party, the racer's bash commenced. This conveniently into our "after-party" as well. The "big kids" of the group lingered with the mamas, dancing wildly to the live band and enjoying the festive atmosphere into the night. It was an amazing day for an amazing little girl who is loved fiercely and completely.

But enough of that, I will let our party pictures tell the story...

Thank you to everyone who came out to make Isla's day special, you all know who you are and we are SO grateful. Here's to being FOUR!

The neighborhood kids gathered to decorate for her. Note: Horns and balloons will never cease to please kids, apparently.

One of her favorite "big boys"

Working our the finer points of birthday horn blowing.

So simple, yet so entertaining.

Our awesome friend Keanna brought markers and coloring books for Isla, which - in turn - became the hit of the party!!

Isla and two of her best pals. She refers to them as "her buddies" it's pretty adorable!

Keanna, coloring. Because adults coloring is all the rage these days!

Don't let the presence of beer in every single photo frighten you. It was for the adults, I swear.

Daddy arriving with her balloons (one of her birthday present wishes) and cake!

Isla opening a very special gift from her buddy, Stormer. Her very own jewelry box. She LOVES it. 

2 x 4 beach jenga blocks also double as construction blocks for beach kids! 

No beach party is complete without sand toys. Darcy and sweet baby Rio playing with Haven.

Making castles. 

Follow the yellow brick road, Haven!

V and A, two of our very awesome boat neighbor kids! Love them.

Haven enjoying her pizza. Side note: this is also usually the only time you don't hear her!  

These three dancing was absolutely adorable!

Isla and the beautiful hand-made wind chime made for her by her pal, Nico. She loves it and it hangs right by her bed.

The Elsa cake was a HUGE hit!

The party in full swing with all her pals around.

Isla and Ellia looking adorable, eating cake. "Shut your mouth, dear" ;)

Give this little sweet pea some balloons and she is good to go. Take them away and LOOK OUT!

Beautiful, goofy Arias!! I think she liked the cake! 

Haven, yelling as usual (she has almost no volume control!), and holding up FOUR for her sister.

This was the OTHER gift Isla asked mommy and daddy for, an Ariel dress. She was, obviously, pleased.  

"Mommy, don't I look beautiful!" You ALWAYS look beautiful honey, because your heart is beautiful!

This picture, though not the best in quality, sums up this wonderful, joyful child. Happy birthday Isla.