On Writing, Time and What's Up: A Rambling Recap of the Last Few Weeks

So much to say, but the wind won't write my words!

It's hard to find time to blog these days. Which is frustrating to me since writing is something I need to do. Just as some people need to run or make music or sing, so must I write. Scott will vouch for the fact that if I've gone too long without it, I get all wonky and - in general - pretty unpleasant. "Go write," he'll say in exasperation. "I'll take the kids. But for God's sake, just write something." It is my life's greatest passion; the hobby that keeps my brain sharp, my thoughts clear and yields the most fulfillment. I love it. My mind is a dizzy flurry of thoughts, stories and ideas I want to flush out and I often have the urge to break open my computer in the wee hours of night (or morning, rather) to jot down a reflection so I can bring it to life later. What can I say? Like many writers, I have the compulsion to share...what I lack, however, is time.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

I haven't been able to share much on the blog these days, or at least not as much as I would like. Luckily, our social media accounts - like Instagram and Facebook - make sharing in snippets pretty effortless. I post very regularly over there because it's simple, quick and easy. As much as I enjoy chronicling our life in images and short captions (because I really look at it all as a chronicle), it doesn't quite scratch the creative itch for me and it certainly only shows 1/100th of the picture. It offers a precisely filtered highlight reel and doesn't cut to the nitty gritty like I sometimes like to do. But it'll do for now. High season is behind us (maybe?) and Scott should (in theory) be able to help out with the girls a little bit more, affording me a few hours here and there to work and write. So more to come, I promise.

***

So, what's been going on the past few weeks?

Well, a lot. My parents and my amazing sister came to visit (separately), and spending time with them and showing them our new "island expat" lifestyle was so much fun. Our business continues to flourish which is wonderful but means that Scott is burning the midnight oil every. single. night. If you think running a day charter business in the tropics is all fun in the sun, you'd be wrong. It's a hell of a lot of work, and because I am on mommy duty all day, every day...the business end of things falls on Scott's shoulders.  I must say he is doing an incredible job, and seeing him take the bull by the horns and assume the roll of business owner with such ability and ease is impressive. It's a pretty insane work load though, and while we are taking steps to streamline certain procedures so that the work/life balance is better for him - these things take time. Not the worst problem to have but no one can work 12-18 hour days forever. That's a one way ticket to crazy town right there.

Other news? Oh! We got a second car (a white Hyundai Veracruz, baby!) The girls and I are now mobile and while we absolutely love Nanny Cay and our extended family of workers, neighbors and friends that are here with us - it's been nice to change things up a little with the freedom to go to other places, parks and beaches without paying an arm and a leg in taxi fare (there is no public transportation here). The girls are ob-sessed with the car and car rides. Obsessed. Every night after I tuck the twins in (and after I do the little routine they've developed of doing kisses, hugs and - get this - fist and elbow bumps) they say, "Car?" and I say, "Yes. We will go in the car tomorrow" to which they reply, "Okay!" So, yeah. The car is a big hit all around. Granted, finding car seats was a treat. Tracking down one on this island is like finding a needle in a haystack, locating three proved pretty much impossible. So we drove around (very carefully) without them for a while which was utterly TERRIFYING. The twins figured out how to unbuckle the seat belts approximately .02 seconds after I secured them the first time which meant driving around, for them, was like being in some sort of moving jungle gym and for me was...it was...let's just say I could've used a Xanax. We eventually found one booster style seat and rotated the kids around in that for a week or so, but one carseat for three kids is no good not to mention it created an existential dilemma a la "Sophie's Choice" every time I got them in the car. Who gets to ride in the car seat today? After realizing decent carseats weren't going to magically appear in my car or on this island for that matter, I ordered some on Amazon (this car seat can fit three in one row! Take note moms of multiples!) and my dad shipped them down to us. Now we are safe and my kids aren't hanging out the windows like dogs anymore. Whoo hoo!

We've also decided that we'll soon be putting the girls in a pre-school/play group here two days a week for a half-day to give me a little break and allow me to stay on top of things like a) my business responsibilities (I am technically the marketing manager of Aristocat Charters), b) "house" chores (like organizing cupboards, tidying lockers, purging excess and cleaning the fridge; things that need to happen regularly around here but don't) c) my personal hygiene (there are really nice *warm* shower facilities here. I use them maybe twice a week and cold-water bathe on the aft deck with the girls 90% of the time) and d) my writing (see first paragraph.) This change, I think, will also be great for them socially as they love other kids and while we play with other children on a daily basis, I think a little regular playtime with kids their own ages will be helpful. Did I mention that I think this will be great for my sanity? Because...that too.

***

Despite the fact that I haven't been writing much, we've had several things written about us and a couple new interviews went "live" recently, so if you'd like to read those they are here:

• This Adventurous Couple are Raising Three Kids on a Boat in the Caribbean - an article that got compiled on the world wide web and has been shared a bunch. It's pretty accurate and uses a bunch of our pictures except we left in 2010, not 2012. We had nothing to do with this piece, and were not contacted for it. But I'm grateful for the publicity and the shares that have come from it.
• Goodie Goodie Gumdrops: Inside a Traveler's Walls - A great interview series about people who live and travel in unique situations. Jessica's blog is pretty awesome too! This piece is specifically about our boat, what we love about it, what we don't, how we have altered it to make it work for us, and why we chose it for our home.
• Women and Cruising: 12 Questions for the Asante Family - Part of a great series of interviews with families who sail with children. I answer twelve questions about life aboard with kids, the good, bad and poopy.

In related news, I have also been updating the pages of this blog, the "ABOUT" page got a refresher as did our "PRESS" page. Feel free to poke around there, and people interested in boating with babies, please check out our Baby on Board page where I've consolidated most of our posts on sailing, traveling and living tiny with tots.

What else? (Yes, I realize I am rambling)...That's about it. We have our good days and bad. The girls are growing in leaps and bounds and with that come new revelations, freedoms and challenges. Spending so much time with them and watching them grow, learn, and become who they are is pure magic, it really is. But with yin, there comes yang and darkness follows light. There have been some pretty significant and very personal extended family struggles that I have kept to myself which have been devastating and life-altering. We ride up and down the unpredictable wave of life just like anyone else and sometimes we are at the crest and can see what's coming our way, sometimes we are in the trough and have no idea what hit us. That's how it goes, we have all been there. But despite that, I call myself lucky and I am thankful beyond words. It's a wonderful, beautiful life and there is no place - literally no place - I would rather be than right here, right now. My heart is so full of love, gratitude and happiness for the life we have created, for our children and what we are accomplishing.

My time, whether or not I am writing, is well spent.

And that is (the very cliff-noted version of) where we are at right now...

Thanks, as always, for reading and following along on our journey. It's truly an honor.

When You Don't Feel Like Enough: Pitfalls in Parenting

"My wife was so impressed with you and your kids, she wondered if maybe we yell too much at ours. Yours were so well behaved and you were so relaxed." I had just grabbed a beer at the beach bar and didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the comment from our new (temporary) boat neighbor who had witnessed my bathtime/dinnertime/bedtime routine a couple hours earlier with his wife. "THANK YOU." I exclaimed as I thew my arms around him in an over-zealous burst of gratitude. "You have NO idea how much that means to me!" I took a swig of my beer. "I assure you," I continued. "If you would have been aboard last week, your wife would have been saying exactly the opposite." We all had a good chuckle over this and they continued admonishing me with praise for my calm demeanor, our well-behaved girls, our quiet boat... The kudos felt great of course, but what made me feel like singing from the mountaintops while slow-spinning was the fact that there was a moment in time when another mother (of four, no less!) looked at me and thought that I. Had it. Together. 

Because - for the record - I do not. (Have we forgotten the time the cops were called on me?)

I have been that mom before. The mom silently watching another; wondering why her kids are so well behaved when mine are crazy, or how it's possible she looks so put together when I can barely manage to brush my teeth, or how she disciplines without ever seeming to yell when I feel very much 'on the verge', or how she cooks great meals with wholesome ingredients when my kids live off mac-n-cheese and chicken nuggets... I've been that mom who has quietly measured myself against another and feels that I am, for sure, falling short. Don't get me wrong, I have my good days too - lots of them in fact - but I have three toddlers under four and roll solo most of the time which means I am often pushed to my limits of sleep, tolerance, patience, energy, time... So when it became clear that I was the mom being watched and that my kids were the ones being admired for good behavior, well, it made me want to do a 'happy dance' because that's a sort of unicorn moment in parenting right there. It also made me think, though, that maybe the moms I have admired before: the ones who's kids are angels, the one who looks like she stepped off a movie set at 10am, and/or the mother who feeds her kids organic home-cooked everything - maybe she, too, shines in some moments and tarnishes in others. Maybe we're all more similar than I thought. Maybe it just depends on when, where, and how you catch us.

For example, just three nights prior to this man's very timely confession to me, I had Googled the following while laying awake in bed at 2am: "Am I screwing up my kids?" (Not completely) "Are my kids normal?" (Yes) "Is hitting common with three siblings close in age?" (Yes) "Why is my two year old so loud?" (She's "spirited") "How can I stop my kids screaming?" (!?!?) and, finally, "Am I a terrible parent?" (No). Suffice it to say, I was having a rough day for a host of reasons. Hot tears ran down my cheeks as I silently sobbed under the eerie spotlight of my iPhone. I was tired. I was overwhelmed. I felt like a failure. And I wanted answers. The day or two leading up to these tell-tale searches were chalk full of tantrums, fits, fights, screaming, hitting, back-talk, biting, tears, attitude, and whining. And that was just the girls. Me? I was doing an alarming amount of "clenched teeth talking", yelling, loosing my s***, and a few times, I even burst into tears right along with them. I was stressed. My kids were stressed. We were feeding off each other and it was positively monstrous. I was 100% certain I was a failure.

Luckily most days I don't feel like a "failure" but there are many days when I don't feel like enough. When I feel like I've dropped the ball and fallen short in areas. Most days my tank is empty by nightfall: I don't have enough time to do the things I love like writing and photography. I don't have the drive to answer the mountain of email in my neglected inbox. I lack the initiative (and the quiet time) to call the people I love and have meaningful conversations with them. I have zero energy to engage with my husband when he comes home from work. To cook food. To run errands. To market myself. To respond to inquires. To help with our business. To shower...the list goes on. Some days, I feel like I'm on autopilot, going through the motions, a shell of myself and who I want to be. And those days suck. BUT... the beauty (and one of the many gifts) of being a parent (because being a parent is an incredible gift, don't get me wrong) is that life goes on and each day is another to begin anew. After the "weekend from hell", the girls and I re-calibrated. I altered my routine. Avoided situations that caused me stress. We (Isla and I) talked about our issues. Apologized for mistakes. Hugged tears away. The demons that seemed to posses our boat jumped ship. Things got better. Much, much better. 

And I was lucky enough to have someone bear witness to it. 

The fact that a fellow parent got the impression that I had it "together" and that my kids were "great" and that I was doing something right, almost made my cry with joy because a lot of the time I'm all, "What the f*** is happening!?!" and that kind of recognition feels really, really good. But more importantly, their acknowledgment made me realize that the next time I look longingly at another mother who appears to have it all together, maybe just maybe, she doesn't. And that is totally okay. And very refreshing.

So next time you see a mom with her kids sitting quietly at a restaurant, or playing nicely at the park, or - hell - next time you see a mom doing anything that qualifies as being "good" or even "okay" in your book, go ahead and tell her. You might just make her week. You might just make her feel like enough.

The Joys (and challenges) of Being an almost Solo Parent: How I Survive (and sometimes, thrive)

First of all, single parents get MAJOR props from me. I am not a "single mom", not even close, even though I throw the term around a lot and probably appear to be one. At the end of the day I have the luxury to stay home with my girls and I have a husband who is a very hands-on daddy who loves spending time with them...These days, however, it just doesn't happen much. Since starting our exciting new endeavor, Scott has been markedly absent. He sees the girls for a few minutes in the morning and *maybe* a few minutes in the evenings if he's lucky. He works seven days a week and days off are few and far between (and not "off" because there are other areas of the business that need tending to). It is not unusual for him to leave for work before the girls wake up, and return home after they are in bed. So, no, I am not a single mom - but I am, for much of the time, a solo parent with zero help and it is for sure the toughest (and most rewarding and enjoyable!) job I have ever had.

Being that we live in a bustling marina community that boasts a nice number of live aboards, locals and passer-throughs, I get all sorts of comments all day long from "You are a saint!" to "I have no idea how you do this!" I have to say, getting this sort of validation day in and day out from people who see how hard I work is most definitely a luxury that many stay at home moms do not get. Not that I need the validation, but it certainly nice every now and then. Being a stay at home mom is often touted as a "thankless" job, so a little recognition goes a long way - especially when I am having a rough one.

So, how do *I* do it? Well, every family is different and the ages of kids and years between them certainly makes each situation unique, but for us with three kids who's ages are three and under, here's how I manage:

Areas where I thrive:

1) Schedules
I know that "schedules" are a hot button among parents, but for us, we thrive on routine! I absolutely love knowing that my girls will wake between 6:30 and 7am, eat lunch between at 11:30 and 12, nap for (at least) two hours between 12:30 and 2:30 and got to bed at 6:30pm (Isla goes down a bit later). While this sort of predictability might make some shudder, I honestly have no idea how I would survive without it. There's plenty of time for spontaneity when our kids get a little bit older, but for now - our schedule is a huge reason I am sane. I know they are not for everybody, but they sure are for me!

2) Naps
Siiiigh. Naps. I do not know what I would do without them. Being a full-time momma is a full-time 24/7/365 job and nap time is like my little oaisis in the middle of the day when I need it most. I can relax, cook, read, write, run an errand or nap (though I never do) between the hours of 12:30-2:30. Isla was a great sleeper and napper from the get-go, but the twins? They were not. It took no less than nine months of solid, every day WORK to get them on a napping routine and schedule (we are big fans of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child over here) and they did not sleep through the night until over eighteen months. Despite being told that they could not be "trained", I kept at it (and no, that does not mean letting them cry it out) and am so glad I did because I am reaping the benefits of that crazy time now. I put our girls into their beds wide awake, they giggle and coo for about five minutes and then - all quiet for two to three hours - it. is. bliss.

3) Snacks
I know that there are schools of thought that discourage constant snacking in children but I don't think those people solo parented three toddlers! With Isla - I was "organic this" and "no sugar" that...but since the twins I am all, "whatever keeps them quiet". Of course I try to offer the healthiest option I can find (like popcorn, fruit or baked crackers) but sometimes, if it's a little MSG loaded cheesy poof they want, it's a MSG loaded cheesy poof they get. My girls can go from Cherub to crazy in the blink of an eye and I learned very quickly that the quickest way to "tame the beast" is with yummy food. For example, our daughters all fancy themselves quite independent and the only way I can load them into our awesome Kinderwagon Hop Tandem Umbrella Stroller without screams of protest (because they want to walk, of course!), is if I distract them with food. Same thing for all major transitions. Leaving the pool? Snack! Leaving the beach? Snack! Waiting for dinner to arrive at a restaurant? Snack! Anytime I need them to be quiet or sit peacefully, you better believe I am plying them with food. And it's not always on the good section of the food pyramid. Sorry.

4) Outside
Our girls are outside in the fresh air and sunshine literally 90% of their waking hours. I don't think I need to justify how good outdoor play is for young children, but suffice it to say, I believe wholeheartedly in it. Aside from all the benefits of simply being outside, it's about a million times easier for me as a mom! Three kids aged three and under is a lot to handle, and while some aspects of 'tiny living' on a boat actually make it easier (I can always see them, they are never more than ten feet from my person...etc), it can also be very difficult cooped up in a small boat (i.e. when they all want the same toy and fall into a horrific state of toddler anarchy). While my girls will play like angels together, they will also fight like cats and dogs. Being outside gives them a little more room to explore on their own terms and the fights between them are easier to diffuse and significantly less. So outside we go!

5) Cocktail Hour
Yep, I admit it. I like a good afternoon cocktail to "take the edge off" - of course I drink responsibly and don't get drunk, but a couple cocktails before my kids' bedtime makes my afternoons much more pleasant. A more relaxed mommy is a happy mommy and come 4pm when we are usually poolside, you will almost always find me with a drink in hand. Say what you will about it, but I deserve that cocktail! The fact that day drinking is very normal and socially acceptable here combined with the fact that the beach bar is right next to the pool makes this little ritual nice and easy. The running joke is that if I am drinking rum it's been a tough day, beer and it's been a good day! Either way, I revel in my afternoon drinks and while other's might call it irresponsible, I call it wonderful. Cheers!

6) Preparation
If becoming a mom made me hone my 'preparation' skills, becoming a mom of twins turned it into an olympic sport! I am constantly thinking at least two - but usually three or four - steps ahead of the game at any given time. As such, I rarely sit still. I am prepared for almost anything (with kids there are always going to be surprises!), at any time. Our Sailor Bags Backpack is always stocked with spare clothes, Turkish towels, a beach blanket, diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, bandaids, swimsuits, snacks, toys and more. After the pool or beach, I shower my kids on the premises with a hose (of course soap and shampoo is in our bag as well!) and get them dressed so that we can simply return to the boat all clean and eat lunch or dinner, eliminating that step for me later. Wet clothes are hung on the line to dry during nap time or overnight and fresh clothes, diapers and snacks are re-packed while they eat keeping our pack in "ready" mode at all times. This sort of forethought and planning is 100% necessary when rolling solo with three little ones because the dreaded toddler anarchy I mentioned earlier is only one tiny misstep away!

7) Early Bedtime
The twins (22 months old at time of writing) go to bed at 6:30pm. Yes, they wake up bright and early at 7am but,  believe me, I'd rather have those quiet evening hours than quiet morning hours. Isla (almost four) goes to bed later, usually 7:30/8pm. But she's more flexible these days and not as sleep-sensitive so we'll even let her stay up till 9:30pm on a special occasion if she's had a good nap in the middle of the day. Having only one child is much, much easier than having three (considering their ages and the twin dynamic) and while I absolutely LOVE spending so much time with all of my girls, I let out a big, huge SIGH at 6:30pm when I shut the door to the v-berth and all goes quiet.

8) Social Interaction
A common complaint of many stay at home moms is isolation and lack of adult conversation/connection. I am a very social person who loves to meet and talk to other people so if I wasn't able to connect with other moms, sailors and friends my happiness would suffer. Luckily for me we live in a beautiful marina with a thriving community and because I am out and about all day long - I get lots and lots of social interaction. From blog followers to fellow live-aboards to locals and expats, I will never go more than an hour or two without seeing or having a nice conversation with a friend. I absolutely love that about living here.

And most important...

8) Keeping it Simple
This is kind of laughable because, from a distance my stroller resembles a pack animal on a trek, but I  do try to keep it simple. I don't make things more difficult than they have to be and everything I do is a risk/benefit analysis. Someone invites me and the girls out boating for the day, do I accept? Hell no! Sure, it sounds fun. But it would also mean me having to pack an insane amount of crap from safety gear to food, it would mean (most likely) skipping the blessed nap described in #2, which would then mean cranky babies clamoring for mommy (seriously, two or three toddlers screaming and wanting to be held at the same time is pretty nutso...on a day boat? More nutso), which would mean my hands would be full, which would mean I could not have a drink, which would mean I would be stressed out and worried our kids were ruining someone else's nice day out. Sure, my thought process might seem bleak and a little (or a lot?) neurotic, but believe me - I live with my kids and know them. While, at first, a nice day out on a boat sounds lovely, I also know that it is not really worth the trouble it would be while on my own. In a year this will change, but for now, I keep close to home and keep it simple. Beach, pool, play on boat and park. That's how we roll 99% of the time, and no one is complaining.

Areas where I suffer:

1) Diet
If there is an area of parenting where I drop the ball, it is this one. I seriously loathe the galley and everything associated with cooking - from the meal planning to the execution - is a dreaded act for me. I wish it was not this way, but it is. As such, we eat a lot of quick, thrown together meals. Mac-n-cheese, grilled cheese, and chicken nuggets are staples in my kids' diet. I do always throw in a fruit and a veggie, but my meals are far from Pinterest worthy.  I'm not proud of this fact, but I cannot seem to get it together to make much else right now. Now that we have our awesome Wonderbag, things are changing a little on this front, but still...cooking is not, and will probably never be, my thing. If I could eat out at every meal, or - better yet - have someone prepare food for me, I would. Also, I don't eat. I have lost no fewer than six pounds since coming down here and I'm so busy throughout the day that I hardly get hungry. Some leftover mac-n-cheese or the remainder of chicken salad sandwich is a meal to me now and it's not unusual for me to forget to eat until dinnertime because I am so busy taking care of the kids.

2) Getting a break
If I had a dime for every time someone told me I needed a break! Thank God for naps, because they are the only one I get. Because my kids are sleeping, however, I am limited to what I can do and usually it must be on the boat and involve very little noise. The other day I had to pay someone to clean our topsides while we were at the pool because I don't want to do it when the girls are sleeping for fear it would wake them. I hardly ever get out by myself and, at this point, if I had a day off without the girls I honestly have no idea how I would fill it! I would love a little more time to write, answer emails (apology to anyone who has emailed this last year! My inbox is a wasteland these days!) and do boat chores or run errands, but - at this point - it's limited. While I would love to have a sitter or someone watch the girls for a few hours during the day here and there, I don't know if I could ever trust anyone with all three of them at their current ages knowing how much work they are. We'll get there.

3) Diversity
Living on a small island means our options of 'things to do' with the toddler set are already limited. Not having car at my disposal combined with the fact that going anywhere alone with my three little ones sounds like much more trouble than it's worth (see #8 above) means we don't ever leave the marina. Believe it or not, I actually don't mind this because the marina we live at has everything we really need: grocery store, coffee shop, two restaurants, surf shop, yacht chandlery, park, beach, pool, and beach bar. The fact of the matter is our marina is actually a destination for many island parents so we get to see a lot of kids throughout the day. But still, the footprint of our world is very "small" right now and I hope that in a year or so it will be easier to venture further afield so my kids know there is a life outside of here!

4) Losing it
When people used to say things about how absolutely crazy their toddler made them, I was secretly like, "That's a little dramatic, I mean, a tiny human pissing you off that much!?! Nah" Well, I am eating my words. Holy crap, I have no idea how they do it but toddlers can push buttons and bring out sides of you that you never knew you had. Being that I am alone with my girls almost all the time means that, sometimes, my moods (usually when combined with lack of sleep) get the better of me. While we try to be a "yell free" home, I find it almost impossible. I resort to bribing, time-outs, time-in's, threats, consequences and everything else under the sun but sometimes they are just little monsters who have the ability to bring out the worst in me. Those days are what I call "rum days".

5) Marriage
Scott and I pass like ships in the night. We hardly see each other and don't spend any quality time together. By the time he gets home he hops on his computer to answer emails and I either hop on mine to write or, more likely, go to bed because I am exhausted from my marathon of a day. I've read up a lot on how this "season of life" (the one with little kids and small twins in particular) can be really hard on a marriage and it's no different for us, especially since Scott is working so hard to get this business where we want it. When high season slows down a bit and he can be home and present a little more, perhaps this will change - but for now, we kind of just co-exist in a state of exhaustion.

6) Hygiene
This marina has what many would call some of the best marina showers ever. Living on a boat means hot, high pressure showers are like gold to us and yet, I have only used them a handful of times. Most of the time I hose myself off after swimming with the girls, or - more recently - I have taken to showering on the aft deck (in my bikini, of course!) while the girls nap. This is not the nice, relaxing, hot, pampering shower that I envision every day but it does the job. I long for that nice, warm shower that exists a short dock walk away...but most days, I skip it!

7) Sleep
Our girls are all good sleepers now, but there are still three of them and there's always a night or two a week where someone will rouse and start the domino effect of waking up the others. Getting the kids back to sleep is sometimes as easy as nursing (the twins) but can also involve hours of cuddling, shushing and holding. There are sleep regressions, nightmares, fevers and illness. All of these things equal sleepless nights and the person who deals with night wakings and early risings is almost always me. While sleepless nights are not the norm anymore (thank God!) I am always, always operating somewhere on the spectrum of "tired".  I drink a pretty unhealthy amount of coffee these days, I will say that.

The Bottom Line:
I am a happy and very fulfilled stay-on-boat mom. Sure, I have my terrible days where I want to run off this boat pulling my hair out and screaming, and of course my kids are far from perfect. But, all in all, I wear a smile on my face and I feel very lucky to be able to raise my kids in a way that I can feel proud of. Ultimately, I know that this "season" of life is a very short one, and one that I know will be over all too soon, so - even during the worst of it - I try to be mindful that "this too shall pass" - and that I'll even miss it! I know that being a stay at home/solo parent isn't for everyone, but it is definitely for me and I enjoy being so close to our girls, seeing every minute and milestone for these very formative years. I wear a smile most of the time and feel thankful every single day. And when I don't, there is always rum.