Hello from the Other Side...My Musings On Truth Telling

L.O.V.E

Hello?

It's me...

I've been wondering if after all this time you'd like to meet?

***

My gosh, I have been dying to write for weeks and weeks (how many has it been, exactly? Ugh) and as you may or may not know, writing (or, more specifically sharing) is almost compulsive for me and as essential as water or food to my mental well-being. 

In short, sharing is a salve to my soul.

So, while I have nothing particular to say, enough was enough and I decided, "Well, I will just write what I am thinking at the moment..."

So here I am.

***

When I am not chasing our very cute, very loud, and very exuberant brood or wasting exorbitant amounts of time on Facebook (Don't judge! Sometimes I want to just veg-out, chat with my girlfriends, look at pictures depicting impossibly perfect lives and read articles that either support or negate what a great mom I am...etc etc), I read...books. If there is one thing that inspires me, it is a really good writer. I read every night before bed (unless I hit the wine too hard, which - let's be honest - has been known to happen) and I polish off about two books a month this way.  I just finished most of the the works of Pat Conroy (wow), and have since delved into The Nest but, two nights ago, in a last ditch effort to find inspiration and creativity in what has become something of a slump, I started "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert. Sigh. The Queen of the truth tellers. These people, another of which is the equally inspiring Glennon Doyle (of Momestary fame), are the ones who speak scary truths with incredible bravery and transparency about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. These are the kind of people who I like to associate with, the kinds who inspire me to no end. The kind of person I want to be.

I've been thinking a lot about truth-telling for a number of reasons (it seems to be all around me in some way, shape or form) and how amazing it is; not only is it incredibly freeing it's the very thing most people want. Truth-telling breeds connections which grow deep friendships. Raw honesty is what sows the seeds which feed communities. An open heart is what allows for metamorphosis. And yet, truth-telling and being completely honest with ourselves and others is often the hardest thing to do. Believe me, I know.

But I digress...

If I a) know you b) like you and c) trust you (it's a gut/experience thing) - you will attest to the fact that I am 100% honest. Not in a judgey, "I'll tell you what no one else will" kind of way, but in the way that I will share with you my experiences with raw, honest, grittiness ("Oh, yeah. When my twins were born I 100% understood why and how some woman could drive a van into an ocean...") and you will feel less alone because YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT THAT. It's amazing to me how, when I am being honest with people - even strangers ("Man, I really wish I was a lesbian sometimes because today I really hate my husband...") - I can see a relief wash over them. It's like, "(Sigh) We don't need to do the pretend bullshit thing here and it is SO refreshing." It's why I know the deepest and darkest secrets of many friends (new and old), it's why a mom I meet in passing at the park becomes a dear friend, it's why my girlfriends and I are such a great tribe - we are honest and real with one another without judgement or jealousy, we shower one another in love and support. We have each other's backs in the biggest way and it's the way it should be.

***

It's easy for me to be a truth-teller in person among people who I trust and who share back with me (like anything, it's a two-way street). Where it get's tricky is here, on the world wide web where my audience is no longer a fellow sister who I am commiserating with, but thousands of faceless strangers who I do not know. I have been applauded before for being very open and honest about the good, bad and ugly of the cruising life and and I think more people are starting to follow suit... But there's always room for more honesty, more truth, more sharing and less judging and I am on a mission to be even more present and candid in what I write and say. I am working on living this truth myself and, believe me, it's not easy and - sometimes - really scary. None of us are perfect, in fact our flaws and struggles are what make us the most relatable, so why not expose them so that others can help us heal and so we may help another not feel so alone? It's really so simple. And yet...so hard. Because: FEAR.

Striving for truth means solidarity with the people who will make us better. The person who look at my kids in horror when they throw tantrum in a store, as opposed to the one who looks at me with eyes that say, "I FEEL YOU", is not the kind of person I want in my life anyway, so why aim to please that person? I want to seek out the fist-bumpers of the world and the people who truly understand that our greatest strength lies in true connection and togetherness. None of us can please everyone, and as hard as that can be sometimes, it is the way it is. In the infamous words of Taylor Swift, "Haters gonna hate". 

***

I have recently had several people meet me (via this blog) and tell me that my life (or the one I portray, anyway) looks a) pretty perfect,  b) that I look like such a great mom, c) that my marriage looks idyllic and d) our children seem so well-behaved. These things, while not lies, per-say, are not 100% accurate. Sure, we have some pretty awesome moments (and these are what are predominately shared on Facebook and on this blog) but they are only a small snippet of the picture. Please let me address these misconceptions lest you think the same:

a) On being perfect: Rest assured, if something looks "perfect" it most definitely is not. 'Nough said.
b) On being a super mom: I think I'm a pretty good to pretty great mom most of the time, but just the other night I lost my shit on my four year old so bad we both started crying. Momming is haaaaard.
c) On having an idyllic marriage: HAHAHAHAHA! (Excuse me while I wipe tears of laughter...) Oh, marriage. No. Just, no. Working on SO much here. There is love and there is good, but there is work and struggle and I have wanted to call it quits MANY times. Any marriage that calls itself perfect is either a lie or between two unicorns.
d) On our well-behaved children: Our girls are smart, adorable and the loves of our lives, no question about that. But they, too, are far from perfect. Just today I had to drag Haven out of TJ max because she was throwing a fit of such epic proportions I was afraid they were going to call the cops to intervene (you have never heard a scream until you have heard our Haven's). Spirited? Yes. Perfect? Nope. They fight, they scream, they back-talk and they melt down just like any other kid. And that is okay because it is normal.

So (wiping hands together) that is my little bit of truth for today.

And this is my goal. To become more of a truth-teller. To write more regularly. To cover more topics. To see where it takes me...

***

Anyway, it's naptime right now and I may or may not have had some sauvignon blanc so this could very well be a wined-up missive from the very sleep depraved hinterland of my brain, but maybe just maybe I am on to something here.

Either way, HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE! I have missed you. There is more to come (but, lets be honest, probably not anytime soon.)

Your Life is an Adventure, But No One Wants to Hear Your Story

I'll never forget the time I came home after living in Tanzania and went to the local bar where many of my high school peers would occasionally hang out. I had been gone three years and was dealing with a fair amount of reverse culture shock - and subsequent depressive "funk" - as a result of my return. I self-consciously walked into the bar, saw some people I hadn't seen since highschool and after striking up generic "what have you been up to?" pleasantries with all of them (this was pre-Facebook, people!), I found it a) hard to describe that I had been living in Africa without sounding like a pompous asshole and/or dreaded 'travel snob' and b) interesting that once I did describe what I had been up to, "Err...I've been...in...um....Africa" - no one really cared. Sure, I got a few, "whoa's" and some "very cool's" but, in general, it ended there. No one wanted to know any details about anything I had experienced at all. Zero. 

It was an important lesson for me, and one that I am grateful I learned. While I'm embarrassed to admit I was feeling rather "interesting" and "exotic" coming right off my worldly travels and experiences (I mean, I witnessed a Masai circumcision for crying out loud), the fact that I did not 'hold court' in that hometown bar regaling tales of African adventure served me well by knocking me down a peg. It taught me an important lesson about sharing stories. Namely, that "sharing" plays a huge part in the telling of stories, and if there is not something shared between the listener and the storyteller, the story is irrelevant. A hard pill to swallow for someone who just had the most intense and incredible three years of her life and possesses an almost intrinsic compulsion to share (hence this blog). It doesn't mean that your 'audience' needs to have had the same experience as you, but there must be an interest, a desire...something to connect with. Many of the people in the bar that night had never been out of the country, let alone to Africa, so there was a lack of understanding. Not "ignorance" or "jealousy", simply no frame of reference. It hit me like a ton of bricks: just because you have a story to tell, does not mean others want to hear it. A humbling lesson for a twenty-seven year old gypsy spirit to learn.

Take parenthood, for example. For many of us, our kids dominate our conversations, thoughts, and Facebook feeds. Being parents is the most important thing we will ever do, and those of us who have children cannot imagine a life any other way. We find tremendous joy in watching our children grow and sharing our lives with them. We actively seek out friendships with other parents who understand our happiness and empathize with our struggles. Is parenthood is for everyone? Are people who chose a child-less route are any less fulfilled? Can we no longer sustain conversation and friendships with people who don't have kids? Absolutely not. I believe it's this way with cruising, travel and adventuring. It no doubt enhances and enriches the lives of those that chose it, but it's not for everyone. And that's a good thing.

It's the same now, after having lived on the boat. Rarely do Scott and I talk about our travels or life on our boat when we are out with our friends back home. It comes up almost never, and if it does - it's brief and not something we dwell on. Does this mean we don't love our friends? That we have nothing in common with them anymore? That we feel 'lost' in our own country? No, no, and no. We are blessed with amazing friendships that transcend our need to share our experiences abroad and we connect with them on other levels. The fact of the matter is this: not everyone is interested in travel or sailing or adventure. It might seem shocking to us that are, but people find happiness and contentment in many ways. When we get the pleasure to meet up with fellow travelers, adventurers, sailors or soon-to-be cruisers, the questions come flying. Why? Because these are people with whom we share our wanderlust with. People who possess this adventurous spirit, either in desire or in actuality, will revel in your tales from off the beaten path and you will revel in theirs. Stories have a time and place.

So don't be surprised if people aren't asking about what it's like to live on a boat, what it feels like to sail overnight, or what thoughts go through your head when you sail into a squall.... There's a quote that says, "We share with people who've earned the right to hear our story..." and while, at first, that sounds snobbish, I don't think it is. We are each of us a composite of a million stories, and how we connect truly and deeply with another person is in shared experiences. We are all multi-faceted individuals and most of us don't fit into any one single box, we can connect on many levels. We are a conglomeration of many: Traveler. Poet. Surfer. Musician. Writer. Athlete. Widow. Artist. Botanist. Addict. Parent. Teacher. Sailor. Animal lover. Techie. Husband. Wife. Sister. Brother. Daughter...etc.These shared experiences are what 'earn' us the right to hear, and share in, another's story. If you find that people aren't interested in the story you want to tell, don't take it personally; sit back, enjoy their company, and ask questions. You'll find a story that is shared.

And if that doesn't do it for you, find another outlet for telling your stories and start a blog. Worked for me ;)

Thank You for Keeping it Real

I was pretty overwhelmed by the response to our last post.  It never ceases to amaze me which of my posts tend to really strike a chord with people.  They are almost never the ones about us traveling in beautiful locations or sailing to exotic places (i.e. much of this blog). Instead, they are the missives that I usually think of as rather mundane when I sit down to write them (or, of course, the ones that are the most dramatic). The posts where I find myself working out a particular conundrum or writing out the bones of a skeleton hiding in my closet.  I certainly never sit down to write something and think, "Now *this* is really going to get 'em!" Nope. These days in particular (since down time is such a precious rarity), I write when I am moved to write and I write from the heart. I don't blog for numbers and I don't blog to make a buck (though I probably should start monetizing a bit more). Sometimes my anecdotes are funny, sometimes somber, sometimes reflective - but the posts that seem to resonate the most are the ones where I am totally candid and shed light on the inner workings and struggles of a real honest-to-goodness human being.

When I say it like that I guess I really shouldn't be surprised after all.

If there is one thing that connects us as people it's the fact that - when it's all said and done - we all want the same few things. Safety, belonging and mattering.  In a world that, on the surface, seems more connected than ever, we grow more and more distant from one another. We share only our best pictures, put forth our happiest faces and create the illusions that our lives are much more interesting and satisfying than they really are. I think all of us do this at some level. I know I do. It's almost impossible not to. But it is imperitive to our health to stop perpetuating the fallacy of perfection, or at the very least, find a little place in this world where we don't feel like we have to.

So when we as humans share our struggles, pain, and weakness as I did the other week, people seem to enjoy it. They find it refreshing. Not because they revel in another's hardship, but because they realize they are not the only ones who struggle with fill in the blank. And if there is one feeling most humans do not enjoy, it's the feeling of being alone in this world (note: this is different from "alone time" which. Is. Awesome.)

It's easy to read a blog like ours and imagine our lives as perfect, when the truth is very far from that. Yes, we are blessed. Yes, we are thankful. Yes, our life has taken some interesting twists and turns that put us a little to the left of "normal". But "perfect" we are not. In the vast majority of this blog I have aimed to focus on the positive, which on one level resonated with people. But now I think I will strive to focus more on being real and honest. Obviously this is not easy, as it makes me vulnerable. But I believe I am a better writer and a better person when I can speak freely and truly (even though for the sake of my dad I will always try to swear as little as possible on the blog, despite the fact that I swear like a sailor in real life).

All this is my very roundabout (and verbose *wince*) way of saying thank you to all of you. I honestly have the best readers in the whole blogosphere as far as I am concerned. After my "limbo" post so many of you reached out to say, "Yes!! Me too!! Thank you!!" and I so appreciate that. I certainly did not see it coming. I know I am a terrible blogger who breaks the cardinal rule of blogging in that I do not respond to most comments (between email, Facebook messages and blog comments I am way behind) - but I am so thankful to have here a community of readers who are fellow human beings who (for the most part) recognize when another of their own is struggling (no matter how big or small that struggle may be) and who reach out to say: "you are not alone."

Thank you for connecting. Thank you for keeping it real. And thank you for allowing me to do the same.

All Quiet on the Blog Front

No, we're not just snoozing away over here (and I am 21 weeks pregnant with twins in this pic, fyi)

What gives, right?  It's like we live on a boat in the Caribbean or something...

Sorry for the lack of updates this past week, but between the whirlwind visit home, the subsequent exhaustion of traveling alone with a toddler while pregnant (13+ hours each way) and the fact that our internet router is refusing to speak with our Wi-Fi booster at the moment, blog posts just aren’t happening right now.  Of course I have plenty to say, and I will find the time to say it – but for now, just know that all is well on the good ship Asante and we're sitting pretty here in the islands.  We are currently enjoying beautiful Martinique after a rather epic five hour sail from St. Lucia where we hit record speeds of 8.7 knots while beam-reaching with our stays’l and main (didn't turn on the engine once).  Not too shabby.  Man, do we love our stays’l.  Our hunch was right and the cutter rig is most definitely for us.  For us, it's the most useful sail for sure.  So many options open up to us with this little work horse…

But back to being  incommunicado; it's pretty incredible how times have changed so quickly and so drastically that despite the fact that we live on a sailboat in the Caribbean islands, communication is so frequent and common that if I don’t post a blog every couple of days or so, people assume something is wrong.  While I for one am a big fan of the technology that allows us to connect and stay connected, there is something strange about the fact that a mere ten years ago this simply wasn’t the case.  To update a blog from the islands would have required much more effort and energy and god knows Facebook and Twitter weren’t around to keep everyone hanging on 140 character sound bytes.  I often think of my mom who moved to America from England at nineteen years of age during a time when travel was organized either by phone (if you were lucky and could afford phone calls overseas) and/or by letters.  My mind boggles at how spoiled and accessible we’ve all become and of course – just like anything - there are plusses and minus to this instant gratification and connectivity.  Can you imagine planning a  vacation or visit overseas…by letter?  Or trying to organize the procuring of boat parts from thousands of miles away without cell phones or internet?  That must have required a type of patience that is quickly becoming  (if not already) extinct.

I, for the most part, embrace this information age and the speed and ability at which we are able to share and acquire information.  But if we go silent* for a while – either by circumstance or choice – it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is amiss.  We’re still floating around on a sail boat in the Caribbean, after all.

For those who need some instant gratification, I do post pictures and updates on our Facebook Page with more regularity these days, so be sure to check us over there if all is quiet here.

* Sorry, but another reminder that if you emailed us, I am now more behind than ever.  I simply cannot keep up and will try my darndest to get back to you all when time (and internet) allows - and that might be well over a month.  For now, it remains very low on my list of priorities.  My apologies.

There Must be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover: Relationships at Sea

If there are fifty ways to leave your lover on land, the options grow pretty dismal on a boat.  On a (relatively) small vessel at sea, you are more or less stuck with your partner and, more often than not, you are within arms reach of your loved one.  Privacy goes by the wayside and personal space is limited to that of a small closet.  They say you can really get to know someone by traveling with them.  Travel with them by boat and and you take that knowledge to a whole new level.  There are no secrets here and despite how it might appear on this blog, it's not always easy.  This life has been known to take some relationships south, and I don't mean in the navigational sense...

Most people can wrap their heads around many aspects of our roving lifestyle, but there is one resounding question we always get: how the heck does one spend 24/7 with their partner/wife/husband and not go completely insane.  

Before we left I actually had several friends tell me that they could not be paid to spend 24/7 with their loved one, that they would certainly go crazy if they did.  That's not to say their relationship is bad or flawed or anything, it's just that privacy, alone time and personal space mean more to some than to others.  Those things are generally not issues for Scott and me.  This dream to live on a boat and sail the world was a shared one and we were pretty well-prepped to live in close quarters having spent many years racing and sailing.  I think this fact - coupled with the fact that personal space isn't a big deal for either of us - is why we transitioned from living on land to living on a small boat so easily.

That said, we've had our 'moments'.  Many of them in fact.  We yell, hold grudges and have silent treatment standoffs that would impress even the most stubborn curmudgeon.  We're both passionate people with strong minds and opinions and, let's face it, sometimes they clash.  We're human.  And we live on a boat.  And are together 24/7.  It's an intense situation to be in.  Marriage on a boat is like a land-based marriage on steroids and can be counted as such.  We might have only celebrated two anniversaries, but each year of cruising is akin to (at least) three-years of matrimony.  Time-wise, we figure we've spent more hours together than couples who've been married three times as long.

Despite the fact that we get in fights from time to time, they are usually resolved quickly.  We have a choice:  we can turn our boat into a steaming cauldron of tension, or keep it the happy place it is.  We chose the latter.  The key is communication.  Shocking, I know.  Fights are caused by the usual stuff:  misunderstandings, miscommunication, selfish behavior.  Through communication, I have learned that when things get heated Scott needs time to cool off, and he has learned that I don't like to be stonewalled.  So we compromise, we communicate our needs.  He gets his twenty minutes of quiet time and we revisit our argument afterwards.  Win/win.  He needs quality time with me and I need a couple hours a day to write and read.  We're learning each others "love language" and, slowly but surely, we're growing with each other as a couple.  It takes work, but more often than not - ours is a peaceful union.

So what is the secret to a successful relationship on a boat?  I don't know.  Some couples thrive, while others break at every seam.  I think Scott and I are making it work pretty well, and I don't want to leave you without a take-away, so I have these tips to offer up:

• Get out and enjoy things together.  Whether it be photography, hiking, snorkeling or yoga - get out and DO stuff and do it together. It's amazing how many couples simply exist side by side (yes, even out here).  Make an effort to enjoy life together.
• Have your own hobby/hobbies. It's so important to exist outside of a union and be an individual as well.  Find your own passion and dive into it.  Make sure your spouse knows when you need some alone time to do it.   Reading, writing, paddle boarding, crocheting...all of these things can be done alone and quietly and offer a little respite from intense togetherness.  I love to write and blog, Scott loves to kite board.  We each allow the other to enjoy their respective hobbies and passions and we're better partners because of it.
• Keep your mind active.  Believe it or not, some people think that this life can be pretty boring.  I have never found that to be the case, but if you find yourself bored - you can rest assured that you are getting boring too.  Read a book.  Go snorkeling.  Research the next island.  Start birdwatching.  Sketch a picture.  These activities will not only give you food for thought, but something to talk about at the dinner table.
• Empower each other.  Scott and I both began this journey as avid sailors but he is the better sailor of the pair (I am more the traveling sailor, he's the sailor who travels).  He is constantly pushing me to learn more, to get out of my comfort zone and take the reigns.  Scott is learning how to kitesurf and if the conditions are right, I don't hold him back and send him off with a kiss.  Similarly, I'm learning how to cook; experimenting with new foods and trying new recipes and he's reaping the benefits.  If your loved one is keen to try something new - encourage them.  When we learn, we grow.
• Find ways to get OFF the boat.  Getting off the boat is key.  Having water toys has greatly enhanced our cruising enjoyment and given us plenty of opportunity to expand our horizons.  Scott will take Isla for a little kayak or I can steal away on our SUP for forty minutes.  Sometimes these mini breaks are all you need to clear your mind and feel less oppressed by life in tight quarters.
• Be a team.  More often than not this life is the dream of the man, and the woman is a participant (sometimes willing, sometimes they are taken kicking and screaming).  It's very important that both parties feel important and necessary.  Many men are single-handing with their wives aboard.  You must work hard to break this tendency.  Of course each of you will have jobs that you do more frequently, but be sure to change it up and make sure both are comfortable in each other's areas.  Work together.  Having purpose and responsibility will greatly impact your enjoyment of this life.
• Make your boat your home.  This is a big one for me as I am heavily impacted by my surroundings (some of you might not be, so you can skip this one).  I've mentioned several times that comfort and enjoyment are closely linked when cruising.   Our boat is our home and we treat it as such.  We have nice bedding, nice throw pillows, a watermaker and ample storage for our books and personal items.  The boat is clean, tidy and welcoming.  For us, the fact that our boat feels more like a home and less like camping makes cruising more comfortable, and more fun. 
• Understand each other's limits.  While one of you might be fine taking a bucket shower with salt water and living off a couple quarts of water and a can of beans a day, if the other one can't live like that - you are setting yourself up for failure.  Of course compromise is necessary;  ten minute fresh water showers and gourmet meals might not be on the agenda - but if you had a small water maker that allowed for a fresh water rinse once a day and a great boat cookbook that makes the most of boat-cooking, that might make all the difference.
• Define your personal space.  If you need personal space and time alone, tell your partner. "I'm going to read a book and I'd like one hour of no interruptions if that's okay" or "I'm writing a blog post and I'd like to just focus on that for the next hour or two and then I'm all yours".  Define your parameters and do it respectfully.  If you tell your partner what you need, your chances of getting it go WAY up.
• Take nights off from time to time.  I ADORE my girlfriends back home and when I lived on shore, ladies' night was at least a weekly occurrence.  It's true:  men are from Mars and women are from Venus, so there's something very cathartic about spending time with your peers.  When I met a couple fantastic girlfriends here in Georgetown, we were all craving a girl's night.  So we had one.  It was WONDERFUL!  None of our husbands begrudged us this night, and we had a blast and went home better wives because of it.  
• Know that your shore-side troubles will not go away.  Yes, you might be cruising in paradise - but it's important to know that your relationship issues will sail right off into the sunset with you.  Cruising will not fix a bad relationship.  More often than not, your relationship will be put under more stress at sea than on land.  Just like a baby won't mend a flailing relationship, cruising won't either.

This lifestyle has broken up relationships and strengthened as many or more.  If you have flaws in the foundation of your partnership, you can rest assured that cruising will find them.  It won't be pretty and you will not have fun.  Period.  If, however, you have a solid foundation and work out the growing pains of life aboard, you are on your way to an incredible and intense partnership.  I think the most beautifully written piece of advice regarding relationships aboard comes from the revered Beth Leonard when she says:

The sea finds all weaknesses: in boats, in people and in relationships. You have to be sure you have the skills to sail the boat, to fix it, to navigate, to get along in foreign cultures. But you also have to be prepared to come face to face with yourself, to discover things about yourself that you do not like and to work to change those things. You have to be ready to confront any weaknesses in your relationship and to address those in a situation where you are together 24/7 in sometimes highly stressful situations where your lives depend on one another. Cruising will not fix a broken relationship – it is far more likely to rip it apart along the fault lines. But where a basis of true respect and caring exists, the experience of cruising together can create a real partnership and eventually transform that into the kind of soul-deep bond that most people dream of but only a handful ever achieve. In the toughest times, when you think that you can’t do it or that your relationship cannot survive it, commit and commit again, knowing it will be worth every moment of doubt, pain and discomfort. In the best times, which come far more often, don’t forget to dance on the foredeck under the stars, to make love in the cockpit caressed by the tradewind breezes and to say “It sure beats working,” at least twice a day!" 

- Beth Leonard, from the Interview with a Cruiser Project

What tips would you share with cruisers and wanna-be cruisers about keeping relationships healthy and finding personal space on board?  Please share in the comments so we all can learn!

Do You Know Where You Are?

"Do you know where you are?" she asked from under the brim of her sun hat, a look of concern on her face.  Her and her husband had just dinghied over to our boat, apparently concerned that we didn't know where we were.

"Why?" Scott asked.  "Do you know something we don't?"  It was an honest question.

We were underway and just about to enter a narrow cut when they struck up conversation.  We knew they'd be coming over...I saw them slow down and eyeball our boat like we were crazy a minute or two earlier.  "Why do you suppose those people are staring at us?" I had asked Scott. "I have no idea" he replied casually, concentrating on our charts.  I mean, it was a pretty narrow cut, but nothing too crazy.  At least we didn't think so.

"Where are you trying to go?" her husband piped up as they approached our boat.

"Through there", Scott pointed, "between the majors".  He'd already put us in reverse.  We were getting close to the narrow channel and now was not a good time to be in gear without total concentration and all eyes on the road.

"No, no - you can't go that way" the lady was shaking her head.  "You'll go aground there... you have to go around" she waved her hand above her head in a circular motion, "We won't even take our dinghy through there!" she finished.

"Well, according to the charts we're fine" Scott replied, holding up our paper charts "We're using the Explorer charts and they show a channel there".  Just as he handed the charts over to the concerned couple, a boat was navigating the very cut we were about to enter.

"See..." I chimed in, pointing "there's a boat going through there now".

"Oh...." the gentleman trailed off and paused as he examined our charts, "I see what you're doing now.  Okay.  Yeah, I guess there is a channel there.  We've just never gone that way."

We genuinely thanked them for their concern, and they continued on their way as we safely navigated our way through the channel.

While some people might think the above situation is a nuisance, we actually did appreciate their offer to help.  You never know what information people might have and we have been hugely assisted by the information of outsiders before.  We're always willing to listen to the advice and information other (well meaning) cruisers might have, even if we don't always take it.  It's funny though, part of me wonders if this "concern" comes from the fact that we are obviously younger - and assumedly less experienced - than most cruisers out here?

The truth is, when navigating we are very prudent.  Scott is always cross-checking our GPS position with our paper charts and we only use our chart-plotter as a reference - especially in areas where there are coral heads, sand bars and/or any other navigational hazards.  I keep a close eye on depth and, together, we always make sure we are precisely where we are supposed to be and -more importantly- where we think we are.  Chart-plotters are not infalible and are known to put people off course, omit important navigational details or indicate to people that they are somewhere they are not.  The difference between "safe" and "disaster" is often only a few degrees, so we are very careful not to rely solely on one form of navigation, particularly our chart-plotter.

That said, humans are also not infalible and you never know when you might drift off course.  In our opinion, it's always good to remain open to the outstretched hand of someone who might know the way or, at the very least, know something that you do not.  But... before you can adequately take advice from others, you must have a fair amount of trust in yourself.  On a boat, you must know where you are, and where you are going.  Always.

"...if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you're going. And if you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong." 

-Terry Pratchett I Shall Wear Midnight

Sharing Information on the High Seas: Old School and New School

Social media has taken the world by storm.  Nowadays, if it hasn't been Tweeted, Facebooked or YouTubed, it pretty much hasn't happened.  Information is shared faster than ever and news bytes of 140 characters or less are forcing print publications to stop the presses because they simply cannot keep up.  By the time the ink is on the paper, it's old news.  The flow of information today is incredible and, for better or worse, it's not going away.

Take us for instance, we're in the business of sharing information too.  Most of you know we have an online footprint that goes beyond this blog which includes Twitter and Facebook, two of the more prominent social media platforms and the two we happen to update the most.  In order to keep you informed (or entertained, or annoyed, or whatever) we have relied on internet.  Now that we are sailing, however, we cannot rely on wifi wherever we go - particularly at sea.  So how do we keep up our outbound flow of information?

This is where the "old school" single sideband radio (SSB) comes in.  

While I am completely oversimplifying, SSB is a long-range radio.  It can transmit way further than your VHF and - turns out - has a lot more functionality as well. 

I would say about half of the cruisers we met have it, the other half do not.  Many people find SSB totally outdated and unnecessary, a relic from the past that has simply withstood the test of time because nothing has really come onto the scene to completely replace it.  Others believe it to be a cruising necessity.  Like Twitter and Facebook, it's primary purpose is to share information and is used mostly for collecting weather data (though there are other ways) and/or participating in cruiser's nets when crossing oceans as a way to keep an eye on one another.

But there is so much more the SSB can do.  With our SSB setup we can:

• Download weather faxes (using this software) and GRIB files (using Sailmail)
• Send/receive email (using the Sailmail service with our Pactor modem)
• Make a phone call to a land line (using this service)

...and yes, we have done all three.

"What does this have to do with Facebook and Twitter" you ask?  Well, we can update those with our SSB too*.  Heck, we can even upload entire blog posts (minus photos) by simply sending an email to our blogger account.  In short: because of our old school SSB, you will never be rid of us.  Our dispatches know no bounds (dun, dun, dun!).

While the technology of the SSB might be a little archaic, we believe it still has it's place in the ever changing world of information sharing.  Sure, it's slower than dial up and makes a heck of a lot of noise when it's connecting - but if we're out sailing in the middle of nowhere and get a hankering to Tweet, we can.  And while it might be the slowest uploaded Tweet you ever saw, it will still be a Tweet.

*Just Google how to update Twitter and Facebook via email for tons of resources on how to do this.